There is a specific man. You have met him. He stood too close at a wedding and told you, unprompted, what his watch "appreciates at." He does not own clothes. He owns evidence. Every garment...
Posts by Michael
Mock dog meat tacos are the dietary equivalent of telling your therapist "asking for a friend." The concept is simple. Plant-based protein, seasoned aggressively, stuffed into a tortilla, and...
A tuba weighs about thirty pounds and produces exactly one emotion in the people nearby: alarm. It is the only instrument you can hear forming an opinion about your life choices. So the worst...
Somewhere right now, a responsible adult is handing a face-painted stranger $300 and the emotional safety of twelve children. That stranger is a clown. The adult is you. And you are about to make...
Licking an electric socket is the fastest way to turn your own face into a science fair project. The short version: a wet tongue plus 120 volts equals your heart filing for early retirement, and...
Talking like Hulk Hogan comes down to three things: a voice like a cement mixer, the unshakable belief that your arms are tourist attractions, and the word "brother" deployed roughly every four...