The starship USS Endeavor floated lazily through space, drifting closer to the bright and brilliantly purple planet Zorblax. Inside, Captain Quinn Montrose nervously tapped his fingers against the command panel while glancing repeatedly at the control room door.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you, Mox, we can\u2019t just land on any alien planet without knowing the customs!\u201d Captain Quinn muttered to his first officer, an oversized lizard with three eyes and a penchant for terrible poetry.<\/p>\n
Mox sighed, his scales shifting colors like a moody chameleon. \u201cCaptain, the only way to find out customs is to… land and learn.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLand and\u2014Mox, that\u2019s how you end up in prison!\u201d Quinn groaned, burying his face in his hands.<\/p>\n
Before Quinn could change his mind, the door slid open, and Dr. Piper, the ship\u2019s ever-cheerful doctor, skipped into the room, carrying an armful of potted plants. Quinn eyed her suspiciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cPiper, why the plants?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThese are peace lilies!\u201d Piper announced, setting the pots down on various control panels with abandon. \u201cThey\u2019re supposed to promote calm and positive energy. I thought it might help before we make contact with an alien species that, by the way, could eat us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFantastic. Because, you know, nothing screams \u2018peaceful explorer\u2019 like someone whose sole line of defense is houseplants.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mox glanced at the screen and pointed a claw at the signal they\u2019d picked up two days ago: a mysterious message beamed from the planet\u2019s surface. It had sounded like music\u2014bad, autotuned music, to be precise\u2014but it was the only indication that something intelligent lived down there.<\/p>\n
Quinn straightened his back. \u201cAll right, folks. Suit up. We’re going down. But no funny business, and if anyone starts chanting or dancing, so help me, I\u2019ll turn this ship around myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
The landing shuttle descended into the atmosphere, shaking as if it were held together by duct tape and goodwill. Quinn, Mox, Piper, and the communications officer, Ensign Marvin, sat silently, clutching their seats as they came to a rough landing on Zorblax.<\/p>\n
Quinn squinted through the viewport. Purple sands stretched for miles, occasionally dotted by bizarre-looking structures that resembled inflatable bouncy castles. Before he could marvel at their surroundings, a loud honking sound echoed, and out of nowhere, they were surrounded by creatures that looked like very tall garden gnomes wearing flamboyant silk robes.<\/p>\n
The tallest gnome approached, waving a spiky purple flower in the air like it was some kind of prize.<\/p>\n
\u201cGreetings, Earthlings!\u201d the gnome shouted, flashing a toothy grin. \u201cI am Glorvik, Supreme Celebrator of Zorblax.\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn cleared his throat and stepped forward. \u201cGreetings, Supreme Celebrator. I\u2019m Captain Quinn Montrose of the USS Endeavor, and we\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, say no more!\u201d Glorvik interrupted, throwing his hands up. \u201cYou\u2019re here to marry our great princess, Yabitha the Benevolent! It is a day of much rejoicing!\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn blinked, certain he had misheard. \u201cSorry, did you say… marry?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, indeed! The Princess Yabitha has awaited a worthy suitor for seventy-nine quazort cycles,\u201d Glorvik explained, clapping his hands. \u201cShe will be so pleased to meet her new groom!\u201d<\/p>\n
Mox looked at Quinn with three very wide eyes. \u201cCongratulations, Captain! Didn\u2019t know you were the romantic type.\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn jabbed him with an elbow. \u201cI\u2019m not here to get married. We\u2019re explorers, not… not alien mail-order grooms.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut Captain, the peace lilies might really come in handy at a wedding!\u201d Piper offered cheerfully, clutching her plants like a proud parent.<\/p>\n
\u201cEnough with the peace lilies!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight this way, right this way!\u201d Glorvik chanted, leading them down a pathway lined with banners of Quinn\u2019s confused-looking face.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no, they got our pictures,\u201d Marvin whispered, horrified.<\/p>\n
As they were guided into a lavish palace made almost entirely of jelly-like material, the crew was greeted by a full band of alien musicians playing what could only be described as \u201ccosmic jazz\u201d\u2014an atonal racket of screeching sounds that Quinn was fairly certain would haunt him forever. The palace walls wobbled like gelatin as they passed, and Ensign Marvin couldn\u2019t resist poking at one, causing it to jiggle wildly.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop that!\u201d Quinn hissed.<\/p>\n
\u201cCaptain!\u201d Marvin whispered back, poking again. \u201cIt\u2019s bouncy.\u201d<\/p>\n
They finally arrived in a vast, glittering throne room where a larger-than-life throne sat at the far end, surrounded by fountains of bubbling, neon-green liquid. On the throne sat Princess Yabitha, an eight-foot-tall alien with pink skin, six arms, and a beaming smile that revealed an alarming number of fangs.<\/p>\n
\u201cCaptain Quinn Montrose of Earth!\u201d she bellowed, her voice reverberating across the hall. \u201cYou are even more handsome than I dreamed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn did a double-take, trying to come up with something diplomatic to say. \u201cUh, thank you, your… Princessness?\u201d<\/p>\n
She clapped her hands, causing a dozen gnomes to rush forward with trays of food that looked suspiciously alive. One tray held a tentacled creature that seemed to be winking at Quinn, while another held something he could only describe as \u201cquestionable pudding.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo celebrate our union!\u201d Yabitha announced, reaching out with all six arms to pluck different foods from the trays. \u201cCaptain Montrose, eat!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cActually,\u201d Quinn stammered, \u201cI\u2019m, uh, on a diet.\u201d<\/p>\n
She frowned, her eyes narrowing. \u201cDiet?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh… Earthling tradition,\u201d he said quickly. \u201cWe must remain trim before marriage. It\u2019s… sacred.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yabitha nodded solemnly, as if he had shared the wisdom of the ages. \u201cThen let us proceed with the ceremony!\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn\u2019s heart sank. He hadn\u2019t realized that pretending to be on a diet would escalate the situation. \u201cThere\u2019s no need to rush, Princess! Maybe a nice courtship first? Get to know each other?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, nonsense!\u201d she said with a throaty laugh. \u201cThis union was foretold by the stars! And once we bond, our planets will be forever united in peace!\u201d<\/p>\n
Mox coughed, muttering, \u201cI don\u2019t think Earth got that memo.\u201d<\/p>\n
A priest of some kind stepped forward, draped in a shimmering, sequin-studded robe, and began chanting in a language that sounded like an alien kazoo. Before Quinn could protest, Yabitha extended a hand (or maybe it was a claw?) and gripped his shoulder firmly, making escape look very unlikely.<\/p>\n
Just as the priest reached the climax of his chant, the floor rumbled, and the palace began to shake. Alarms blared, and Glorvik rushed in, waving his arms frantically.<\/p>\n
\u201cSupreme Celebrator!\u201d Yabitha yelled. \u201cExplain this disruption!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPrincess! It\u2019s a terrible, uninvited guest!\u201d Glorvik screeched. \u201cThe Dread Lord Blorp has arrived!\u201d<\/p>\n
Yabitha gasped, her six hands fluttering dramatically. \u201cNot Blorp! He\u2019s the most feared bachelor in the galaxy!\u201d<\/p>\n
Mox muttered to Quinn, \u201cLooks like you\u2019re about to have some competition.\u201d<\/p>\n
Before Quinn could respond, a massive figure entered the room. The Dread Lord Blorp, a muscular alien covered in chrome armor, surveyed the room, his many eyes landing on Quinn. He narrowed all six of his eye stalks.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, this is the Earthling who thinks he can marry the Princess of Zorblax?\u201d Blorp boomed, his voice dripping with disdain.<\/p>\n
Quinn gulped. \u201cI really didn\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSilence, Earth scum!\u201d Blorp thundered. \u201cI, Dread Lord Blorp, am her one true match. And I challenge you to a duel!\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cA duel? For marriage?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly!\u201d Blorp growled. \u201cStandard Zorblaxian tradition.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mox nodded, trying not to laugh. \u201cYou did say you wanted to learn the customs, Captain.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yabitha clapped in delight, practically swooning as she watched the two men prepare. \u201cOh, a duel for my heart! This is just so romantic!\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn sighed, already resigned. \u201cFine. Let\u2019s just get this over with.\u201d<\/p>\n
Blorp raised a blaster and aimed at Quinn. The crew scattered, Piper diving behind her peace lilies for cover. But just as Blorp fired, Marvin, ever the curious one, lunged for the control panel near the wall, pressing random buttons in a panic. One of them activated a hidden door beneath Blorp, and the Dread Lord fell through the floor, his screams echoing as he disappeared into what could only be described as the \u201cPit of Inconvenient Transportation.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room fell silent as everyone processed what had just happened. Yabitha looked between Quinn and the now-empty pit, a mixture of awe and admiration lighting her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cCaptain Montrose! You vanquished Dread Lord Blorp with such skill! Truly, you are the bravest warrior I\u2019ve ever known!\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn blinked, trying to process the accidental victory. \u201cI… guess so?\u201d<\/p>\n
Yabitha pulled him into a rib-crushing hug with all six of her arms. \u201cI have never been so smitten in all my seventy-nine quazort cycles!\u201d<\/p>\n
Before he could respond, the priest continued the chanting, faster this time, and sealed the ceremony with a flourish. The room erupted in cheers, and gnomes began throwing confetti that seemed to stick to everything.<\/p>\n
Quinn\u2019s crew gathered around him, each holding back laughter. Mox raised an eyebrow. \u201cWell, Captain, congratulations on the marriage. How does it feel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I need a vacation,\u201d Quinn muttered, staring at his new wife, who was dancing exuberantly and calling him her \u201csquishy warrior of love.\u201d<\/p>\n
Piper offered him a peace lily, her face earnest. \u201cThis will help, Captain.\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn accepted it, wondering if the plant might have some magical ability to erase memories.<\/p>\n
The festivities continued, and just as Quinn resigned himself to his fate as alien royalty, a loud beeping echoed through the palace.<\/p>\n
Glorvik gasped, holding up a scanner. \u201cIt\u2019s the Earthling\u2019s spaceship\u2014your planet is hailing you!\u201d<\/p>\n
Yabitha looked at Quinn with tearful eyes. \u201cAre you… leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn held her many hands, genuinely at a loss for words. \u201cDuty calls, Princess. But know this: you\u2019ll always be my… my… first alien wife?\u201d<\/p>\n
She sniffed, overcome. \u201cFarewell, my brave warrior. You will always have a place here.\u201d<\/p>\n
As they retreated to the shuttle, the crew exchanged silent looks, holding back laughter until they were out of earshot. Once inside, Marvin couldn\u2019t hold it any longer and burst out laughing, followed by the others.<\/p>\n
\u201cCaptain,\u201d Mox said, gasping for air, \u201cwhat are you going to tell command?\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn shrugged, looking out the window as the bizarrely romantic planet of Zorblax faded into the distance. \u201cI\u2019ll tell them… the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
Piper smirked. \u201cThat you saved the galaxy from a dangerous bachelor by accidentally getting married?\u201d<\/p>\n
Quinn groaned, chuckling despite himself. \u201cFine. Maybe I\u2019ll leave out a few<\/em> details.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The starship USS Endeavor floated lazily through space, drifting closer to the bright and brilliantly purple planet Zorblax. Inside, Captain Quinn Montrose nervously tapped his fingers against the command panel<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-romance"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22,"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions\/22"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/norveilex.com\/short-stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}