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Latest Short Stories
The Ten-Million-Dollar Prophecies of a Five-Dollar Mustache
The Ten-Million-Dollar Prophecies of a Five-Dollar Mustache Cal Wetherby had intended to spend twelve minutes at Bellwether Downs. Rita Salazar had promised him a two-dollar voucher, a commemorative…
The Most Respectable Dildo Salesman on Maple Crescent
The Most Respectable Dildo Salesman on Maple Crescent Martin Puckle had not yet spoken to his first customer, and already the catalog was fighting him. It had wedged…
The Mustache Who Found Grandpa Stuck to Somebody’s Chin
The Mustache Who Found Grandpa Stuck to Somebody’s Chin “You cannot reject my application because I do not know my grandfather’s name.” Percival gave the folded hand towel…
The First Barbecue Was Sixty-Six Million Years Early
The First Barbecue Was Sixty-Six Million Years Early “Do not touch anything outside the blue housing.” Marty Pritchard had both arms inside the blue housing. “That instruction would’ve…
The Night the Aliens Gave Everyone Robert Goulet Tattoos
The Night the Aliens Gave Everyone Robert Goulet Tattoos Marcy Bell had spent eleven years at Golden Years Harbor learning that anything parked in the fire lane eventually…
The Mustache That Terrorized the Grand Canyon
The Mustache That Terrorized the Grand Canyon Martin Pindle held his phone at arm’s length, tilted his chin three degrees toward Arizona, and tried to determine whether his…
Biscuit Went Full Throttle and NASCAR Completely Lost Its Mind
Biscuit Went Full Throttle and NASCAR Completely Lost Its Mind The simulator lost control because Biscuit wanted somebody to throw his tennis ball. Lenny Vargas was halfway through…
The Taco Contest That Required Forensic Analysis
The Taco Contest That Required Forensic Analysis Nate Pritchard had a stainless-steel ruler pressed against the edge of his taco tray when Dean Wexler walked up behind him.…
The Ham on Gordon Pike’s Head Was Not a Hairpiece
The Ham on Gordon Pike’s Head Was Not a Hairpiece By the time Gordon Pike realized the garment steamer was cooking his toupee, the damage had become philosophical.…
The Fire Hydrant Tattoo That Turned the Dog Park Ferocious
“Do you tattoo dogs?” Tina stopped wiping down the red vinyl chair. The yellow Labrador standing inside Permanent Mistakes Tattoo and Piercing looked entirely serious. That was the…
The Great Shady Acres Gas-Off Championship
Walter Crenshaw had one hand on the Throne and the other raised in the air when Denise Porter decided she had already made a mistake by letting him…
The Harbor Oyster Championship Goes Off the Scoville Scale
Cal Mercer moved his shell bucket two inches to the left. He crouched, checked the distance between the bucket and his right knee, moved it back half an…