The Ten-Million-Dollar Prophecies of a Five-Dollar Mustache Cal Wetherby had intended to spend twelve minutes at Bellwether Downs. Rita Salazar had promised him a two-dollar voucher, a commemorative beverage sleeve, and no obligation to display enthusiasm. Then the voucher window trapped him behind nineteen people, the green carpet gripped his shoes with old soda, and…
The Mustache Who Found Grandpa Stuck to Somebody’s Chin “You cannot reject my application because I do not know my grandfather’s name.” Percival gave the folded hand towel between them three grave taps with his ceremonial comb. “I have not rejected your application.” “You put it in a tray marked DEFICIENT.” “That is an administrative…
The Mustache That Terrorized the Grand Canyon Martin Pindle held his phone at arm’s length, tilted his chin three degrees toward Arizona, and tried to determine whether his mustache looked rugged or criminal. The Grand Canyon behind him was magnificent. Martin barely noticed. The mustache required supervision. A gust pushed at his shirt and made…
Darren Pike had been onstage for two minutes and thirty-seven seconds when the fake mustache under his nose decided it would rather become conscious than listen to another one of his jokes. The Tuesday open mic at The Low Ceiling had already survived a man doing four minutes about parking meters, a woman reading breakup…
Milo Denton had one arm inside a fitted sheet and the other hooked around the dryer door when the sheet tightened around his elbow and pulled him shoulder-deep into the machine. The dryer kept turning. A pillowcase slapped him across the mouth. Two socks shot past his ear. Something damp and elastic wrapped around his…