A glass eye is the most underused medical accessory since the rectal thermometer with the smiley face on the handle. Most people who lose an eye treat the replacement like a haunted heirloom. They tuck it into a velvet box and let it gather the same dust as their treadmill and their second marriage. That…
Listen, you own a toupee. That’s a fact. Maybe you call it a “hair system” or “follicular enhancement solution” but let’s not kid ourselves – it’s a toupee, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What IS wrong? Treating it like some sacred artifact that must be protected at all costs. You know what else people…
So you lost a leg and gained a $50,000 piece of hardware that makes transformer sounds when you walk. And you’re just… walking with it? Like some kind of pedestrian? Listen, everybody at that party has two boring meat legs that do nothing but transport their disappointing personality from the chips to the bathroom. You?…
