Your uncle's toupee smells like ham. Not a vibe. Not a metaphor. Honey-glazed, faintly warm, sat-in-a-hot-Buick deli ham. Telling your uncle his toupee smells like ham is a delicate operation,...
Category: Family
She came over carrying cookies and kissed you on the cheek. The breath she sent your way on the exhale could strip varnish off a coffin. The dentures have crossed a line. They are no longer teeth,...
Mother's Day in hell hits a little different. The brunch reservations require notarized blood work and the mimosas are 90% your father's regret and 10% pulp. Picking the right gift for a damned...
The Complete Guide to Pretending to Enjoy Your Mother-in-Law’s Cooking
So. You made a face at Thanksgiving. Maybe it was the casserole. Maybe it was that gray meat situation that seemed to be watching you back. Maybe it was the jello mold that contained what appeared...
Your Mother-in-Law Isn’t the Antichrist, According to My Research
Look. This conversation has been a long time coming. You've been up at 3am doing things on the internet. Unhinged things. Googling "signs of demonic possession" and "can evil be hereditary" and "is...
How to Avoid Flirting at Family Reunions: A Survival Guide for the Genetically Connected Okay. Deep breath. Someone has to say this out loud, and apparently that someone is this guide because your...