The best McDonald’s items for people recovering from hemorrhoid surgery are the Fruit & Maple Oatmeal, Apple Slices, a Filet-O-Fish, and a water the size of a paint bucket. Everything else on the menu is a hostage negotiation with your own butthole. Hemorrhoids hit about half of adults older than age 50, so the drive-thru…
That college fund has sat in a drawer for years, silently judging you. Meanwhile a single year at a private college now runs about $45,000, which is real, spendable, beer-shaped money. That is two divorces. Or, alternatively, one unforgettable weekend in Reno. Your kid is four, eats crayons, and just lost a staring contest to…
The 13 romantic getaways you can take without ever leaving your bathroom range from a candlelit bubble bath to a Roman bathhouse night on the bath mat. Airfare is zero. Pants are strongly discouraged. The average honeymoon now runs about $5,300 for roughly seven days, according to The Knot. That’s a lot of money to…
Somewhere behind your couch is a hole in the drywall shaped exactly like a bad decision. Maybe it was a doorknob. Maybe it was a drunk roommate. Maybe it was a bedroom session that got more athletic than the headboard’s warranty allowed. Figuring out how to get your landlord to believe the hole in the…
An addiction to watching paint dry is the compulsive need to stare at a wet wall until it stops being wet, which is also how most couples describe sex after the second kid. It starts innocently. One coat of eggshell in the guest bathroom and a “quick look.” Six hours later you’re still in there,…
Competitive eating tips for people with only one tooth begin with a truth the dental industry has spent a century burying: chewing is optional. Somewhere right now, a man with a single defiant molar is preparing to inhale forty hot dogs while a fully-toothed rival weeps into his own bib. That lone tooth is not…