A Survival Guide for the Tenderly Devastated Right. So your ass hurts and you need to walk somewhere fast. Congratulations on joining the worst club in the world. Membership benefits include creative profanity and a newfound hatred of bicycle seats designed by someone who clearly despises human anatomy. But here’s where it gets fun: life…
Disclaimer: This is satire. Don’t actually do any of these. See a real doctor. Seriously. Your intestines poking through your abdominal wall is not a DIY situation. Look, nobody plans to get a hernia. One day you’re lifting a couch like a normal person, the next day your insides are staging a prison break through…
You’re thinking about joining a climbing gym. Stop. Just… stop right there. See that person dangling from the wall like a confused spider? The one making noises that sound like a whale giving birth? That’s your future. That’s you in three weeks. Except less graceful. Nobody tells you the truth about climbing gyms because Big…
Let’s get something straight. The amount of absolute nonsense floating around about strength training could fill a library. A really stupid library. You’ll Turn Into The Hulk Overnight Every. Single. Person. Who’s never touched a weight thinks this. “But what if I get too big?” Really? REALLY? You think muscles are just waiting to ambush…
Society has a sickness. It’s called knowing where you’re going. And frankly? It’s getting embarrassing. Your Phone Thinks It’s Your Mom (And It’s Wrong About Everything) That GPS in your pocket? It’s having a full-blown god complex. “Turn left.” “Continue straight.” “Make a U-turn when possible.” When possible? WHEN POSSIBLE? Here’s a thought: what if…
Alright, let’s talk about the biggest scam in modern history. No, not cryptocurrency. Not essential oils. Not even those meal kit subscriptions you forgot to cancel. The gym industrial complex. You know what costs $1,200 a year and gets used approximately three times? Your gym membership. You know what costs $0 and is literally surrounding…
