Squatting in a foreclosed McMansion is the closest a broke person gets to inheriting money from a rich uncle they invented. The bank stopped caring. The previous owner fled to Scottsdale to “find himself,” which is rich-guy for snorting a timeshare. Now it’s four thousand square feet of someone else’s bad decisions. Welcome home, you…
Complete Guide to Vaping in Hospital Waiting Rooms: A Masterclass in Making Everyone Hate You Apparently This Needs to Be Said Out Loud Someone vaped in the NICU last Thursday. The NICU. Where the premature babies live. The ones who weigh less than your vape mod. Someone looked at those tiny humans fighting for their…
Ever woke up at 3 AM drenched in the cold sweat of your own mortification, replaying that time you called your boss “Mom” at a meeting? Or perhaps you accidentally sent a flirty text meant for your partner to your childhood priest? Forget the apologies, the shame, the awkwardness. If there’s one thing that can…
How to Be the Best Parasite in the World Let’s kick things off with the essential mindset for living off others: absolute shamelessness. Get rid of that pesky pride. Who needs it anyway? Pride won’t pay for your Netflix subscription or get you a free ride to Cancun. First things first, learn to mooch with…
Alright, so you’ve decided to fake a pregnancy. Maybe you want to get out of work, maybe you want free stuff, or maybe you just want to see how far you can push the boundaries of social norms before everyone in your life starts questioning your sanity. Whatever your reasons, you’ve come to the right…
So you’ve decided to become agoraphobic? Congratulations! While others are out there soaking up Vitamin D and participating in crowded festivals, you’ll be mastering the fine art of indoor entertainment and developing an intimate relationship with every delivery person in a five-mile radius. How to Recognize You’re Ready for Agoraphobia If you find yourself watching…
