Posts by Michael

Right, so you fancy yourself some kind of retail ninja. Hate to break it to you, but stuffing merchandise down your pants doesn't make you Ocean's Eleven. It makes you Ocean's Minus Three—as in,...

Your mom just slid a pamphlet about vitamin D deficiency under your door. The pizza guy knows your credit card number by heart. Last week you answered "WASD" when someone asked for...

Your refrigerator is plotting against you. This isn't paranoia talking. This is documented evidence from millions of households where appliances have turned against their owners in coordinated acts...

So you're holding that insulin pen like it owes you money. The negotiation happening in your brain right now is fascinating. "Maybe today's different," you're thinking. "Maybe my pancreas finally...

11 Signs Your Labubu Might Be Sentient (And Why That's Your Problem Now) So you own a Labubu. Mistake number one. Look, nobody's judging. Well, everyone's judging, but that's beside the point. The...

Everyone acts like getting abducted by aliens is this transcendent experience. Like you're gonna come back enlightened, maybe with some cool space wisdom about the meaning of...