So you want to fry bacon without the benefit of eyeballs? Fantastic. You’re about to join an elite group of people who cook bacon the way it was meant to be cooked – with actual skill instead of just staring at it like it owes you money. Your Senses Are Better Than You Think (Except…
Spicy Foods to Avoid While Having Diarrhea: A Survival Guide for Your Already Angry Intestines So you’re reading this from the bathroom. Don’t even try to deny it. The State of Things Right now, your digestive system is basically a broken water park slide that nobody asked for. You’ve memorized every crack in the bathroom…
Alright, let’s do this. You’re googling “McDonald’s hemorrhoids safe food” at 11:47 PM because your ass feels like it’s hosting a volcano convention and you still want nuggets. This is rock bottom with a side of fries. Nobody prepared you for this moment. Not your parents. Not school. Definitely not Ronald McDonald, who’s somewhere laughing…
There’s a bottle of ranch in your fridge right now that expired during the Trump administration. The first one. You’re gonna eat it. This is not a judgment. This is a fact. Because at 11:47 PM next Tuesday, you’ll be standing there in your questionable pajamas, fridge door wide open (RIP your electric bill), and…
Okay so you just had an abortion and now you’re googling what to eat because apparently that’s a thing people google. The medical pamphlet suggested crackers and clear liquids like you’re recovering from food poisoning in a Victorian novel. Absolutely not. Your uterus just did the biological equivalent of Marie Kondo-ing itself and it deserves…
The Best Side Dishes That Go Great With Boogers: A Culinary Guide Nobody Asked For You pick your nose. Stop making that face. Scientists say 91% of adults do it and the other 9% are liars with exceptionally itchy nostrils they’re ignoring out of spite. The real question isn’t whether you do it. It’s whether…