Skydiving tips for blind people start with one beautiful truth: you get to skip the single most terrifying part of the jump. That part is looking at the ground. Sighted jumpers spend the whole plane ride staring at the earth shrinking into a Google Maps screenshot, slowly leaking sweat through their crotch. You, meanwhile, are…
Cute Swiftie Pet Ideas Your Dog Did Not Agree To Dressing your dog as Taylor Swift is the fastest way to make a Chihuahua look like it has a publicist. It is also a competitive sport. The best Taylor Swift Halloween costumes for dogs land right between “global pop icon” and “small mammal quietly plotting…
So you have come to, blinking up at a patio umbrella, while a man named Kevin roots around in your abdomen like he lost his car keys in there. Stay calm. Stay still. The worst move you can make is screaming, because screaming tells everyone the discount lidocaine Kevin bought at a flea market has…
There is a special circle of hell reserved for people who balance their glasses on top of their skull like a tiny smug throne, and the line to get in is out the door. Why people who wear glasses on their head are jerks is not a question. It is a diagnosis. It is the…
Faking a slip-and-fall at the grocery store will not make you rich. It will make you a felon with a bruised ass and a leading role in a film nobody wants to watch. The get-rich-quick fantasy floating around online is closer to a slow-motion financial castration. The numbers are humiliating and the cameras never blink….
Aunt Carol is sixty-three, walks with a cane she nicknamed “Sheila,” and has been blissfully single since the second Bush administration. Then last Tuesday she rolled up to Sunday dinner with a man named Dakota who introduced himself, to the entire family, as “a vibe.” The signs your aunt’s new fiance is only after her…