13 Times It’s Fine to Throw Up at a Baby Shower

Last Updated on September 16, 2025 by Michael

Baby showers are a psychological experiment that got out of hand.

Think about it. Someone decided that the best way to celebrate impending parenthood was to blindfold adults and make them sniff melted candy bars in diapers. And everyone just… went along with it? For DECADES?

Actually, you know what? Sometimes throwing up at these things isn’t just understandable. Sometimes it’s the only rational response to the fever dream you’ve wandered into.

1. When They Play That Diaper Game

This game should be evidence in a trial. Not sure what kind of trial, but definitely a trial.

Here’s what happens: Someone melts candy bars—innocent candy bars that never hurt anyone—and smears them into diapers. Then makes you guess what kind of candy it is by smell and, god help us all, texture.

Linda from your mom’s book club is really going for it. She’s got her nose so deep in that diaper she’s practically wearing it as a face mask. She just said “nutty finish” about a Snickers. Linda has a masters degree. Linda manages a team of twelve people. Linda is currently debating whether that’s a Milky Way or human suffering materialized in diaper form.

And they wonder why you’re dry heaving.

2. During the Gender Reveal Explosion

Someone’s brother-in-law “knows about pyrotechnics.”

No he doesn’t.

Whatever chemicals are in that blue or pink smoke bomb from the sketchy website, they’re definitely not FDA approved. Pretty sure you’re not supposed to taste colors. Pretty sure your lungs aren’t supposed to feel spicy.

But hey, at least everyone knows it’s a boy now. The emergency room staff. The firefighters. The hazmat team. Everyone knows.

3. When Someone Says “We’re Trying for Irish Twins!”

This woman. THIS WOMAN. Is currently smuggling a watermelon under her shirt. Hasn’t seen her feet since the first trimester. Just admitted she cried yesterday because her socks were “too loud.”

And her husband—this absolute terrorist—announces they’re trying for another one immediately after this one exits?

Sir, your wife just grew a human skeleton inside her body. From scratch. Maybe let her recover before suggesting the sequel?

The look on her face says “divorce lawyer” but her mouth says “how wonderful, honey.”

Your gag reflex is just showing solidarity.

4. The Belly Measuring Game Goes Wrong

“Guess how big around the mom-to-be is!”

Why? WHY would anyone want this? What possible good can come from publicly measuring women’s bodies and turning it into a competition?

But here’s Sharon, self-appointed Commissioner of Humiliation, walking around with her tape measure like she’s fitting everyone for shame. She’s got a clipboard. She’s announcing numbers. She just shouted “FORTY-SIX INCHES” like she’s calling a touchdown.

This is how people develop complexes, Sharon. This is why your niece won’t come to Thanksgiving anymore.

5. Someone Brings Up Their “Natural” Birth Story

There’s always one. Always. You could be at a baby shower on Mars and somehow, someone would still manage to corner you with their unmedicated birth story.

It starts innocent. Someone mentions the hospital and suddenly Melissa’s eyes light up like a war veteran who just heard fortunate Son playing. “Oh, that reminds me of when I gave birth…”

No. Melissa, no. We’re eating. There’s spinach dip. Children are present.

But she’s already started. She’s using words like “rupture” and “tearing” with the casual energy of someone describing their breakfast. She’s got visual aids on her phone. That’s… that’s not a baby, Melissa. That’s a deleted scene from a horror movie. That’s what nightmares look like when they have nightmares.

“And then the afterbirth—”

STOP. MELISSA. STOP.

Your body’s just trying to protect you at this point. Throwing up is self-care.

6. The Baby Food Taste Test

Pureed peas should not exist.

There. Someone had to say it. Peas were fine as they were. Little green spheres of adequacy. But then someone looked at peas and thought, “You know what these need? To be pulverized into a paste that looks like what happens when hope dies.”

Now you’re blindfolded, being spoon-fed something that claims to be “garden vegetables” but tastes like punishment. Sweet potato surprise? The surprise is depression. Chicken dinner? That chicken gave up on life before it even became baby food.

7. When the Cake Is… That Kind of Cake

Every generation thinks it’s more evolved than the last. We have smartphones. We’ve been to space. We have democracy and antibiotics and yoga pants that look like real pants.

And yet.

AND YET.

Someone still orders the anatomically correct birth scene cake. With the crowning baby. Made of fondant. With hand-piped details that would make a surgeon uncomfortable.

Who hurt the person who makes these cakes? What happened to them? Are they okay? Should someone check on them?

Now everyone’s getting served. Tom from accounting just got the placenta piece. He doesn’t know that’s what it is, but you do. You know. And you can’t unknow.

8. The “Advice for Mom” Circle Gets Too Real

Starts sweet. “You’ve got this, mama!” “Sleep when the baby sleeps!” (Side note: whoever came up with that last one has never met a baby. Or sleep.)

Then the wine kicks in. Or maybe it’s just proximity to other mothers who’ve been holding these stories in like state secrets.

Carol’s describing something called a “fourth-degree tear” with the enthusiasm of someone sharing a recipe. Beth’s explaining how her nipples “basically fell off” during week one of breastfeeding. Someone just used the phrase “vaginal reconstruction” while people are eating cucumber sandwiches.

The pregnant woman looks like she’s having a full existential crisis. She’s touching her belly like she’s trying to negotiate with the baby to just stay in there forever.

9. Playing “Guess the Baby Photo” and Realizing One Is Your Ex

The universe has a sense of humor and it’s broken.

Baby photo #7. You’d recognize that smug face anywhere. Even as an infant, you can tell this is someone who would grow up to cheat on you with someone named Madison who sells leggings on Facebook.

Oh god. He’s here. At this baby shower. Why is Brad at a baby shower? Brad doesn’t even like babies. Brad said children were “environmental terrorism”—

Turn around slowly. There he is. With Madison. Of course it’s Madison. They’re touching hands over the fruit salad. She’s pregnant.

Suddenly the bathroom seems very far away but also your only hope for survival.

10. Someone Mentions Placenta Anything

There are things that should stay in the delivery room. The placenta is all of those things.

But here’s Rebecca, explaining her placenta smoothie recipe like it’s a fun craft project. “You can add berries for flavor!”

BERRIES CANNOT FIX THIS, REBECCA.

She’s still talking. Her doula dehydrated it. Made it into capsules. She takes three a day with breakfast. This is premeditated. This required planning and equipment and multiple people who agreed this was a good idea.

“It’s full of nutrients!”

So is regular food, Rebecca. Food that was never attached to your internal organs. Food that doesn’t require a biohazard disposal protocol.

11. The Mom-to-Be’s Water Actually Breaks

Nobody prepares you for this.

One second you’re playing baby bingo, the next second there’s amniotic fluid everywhere and somebody’s screaming “THE BABY’S COMING” like Paul Revere if Paul Revere was panicking about childbirth instead of the British.

Chaos. Pure chaos. Three people calling 911 with conflicting information. Someone’s googling “emergency delivery tutorial.” Grandma’s boiling water because that’s what they did in the movies but nobody knows what the water’s actually for.

That one friend who watches too much Grey’s Anatomy is rolling up her sleeves like she’s about to perform surgery. “I’ve seen this done hundreds of times!”

ON TV, JENNIFER. ON TV.

You’re not even the one giving birth and you might pass out.

12. The Gift Opening Takes Three Hours

This is how time dies.

She’s on gift number 47. Or maybe 147. Numbers have lost meaning. You’ve aged a thousand years. Your bones have turned to dust. Civilizations have risen and fallen. The sun has exploded and been reborn.

She’s still carefully saving the wrapping paper.

“Oh look, another onesie that says ‘Mommy’s Little Miracle!'”

Kill me. Actually kill me.

“And it comes with matching socks!”

Your will to live has left the chat.

13. You Find Out It’s Actually Your Surprise Baby Shower

This is how trust issues develop.

You thought you were supporting Jennifer. You dressed accordingly (leggings that have given up). You pre-gamed accordingly (those weren’t mocktails). You mentally prepared accordingly (you didn’t).

“SURPRISE!”

What? What surprise? Whose baby—

Oh no.

OH NO.

The banner has YOUR name on it. Your mom’s crying. Your mother-in-law’s already knitting something aggressive. Everyone’s staring at you with the expectation that you’re about to be really happy about something.

But you had tequila for breakfast. And sushi for dinner last night. And you went bungee jumping last weekend because your life was your own and you could make choices and—

Wait.

When did you even—? How long has—? Is that why you’ve been crying at dog food commercials?

Your brain is doing calculus it’s not equipped for. Your stomach is doing gymnastics it didn’t sign up for. Your life is doing something that definitely requires you to run to the bathroom immediately.

Let’s be real for a second.

Baby showers are what happens when society collectively agrees to participate in madness. They’re proof that humans will literally do anything if you put pastel decorations on it and serve tiny sandwiches.

But between the nightmare cakes and the placenta evangelists and the games that violate the Geneva Convention, sometimes a person’s gotta puke. It’s not weakness. It’s not drama. It’s your body recognizing what your mind won’t admit: This is all completely insane.

You’re not the problem here. You’re the only one having an appropriate biological response to concentrated chaos.

So next time you find yourself hovering over a toilet at a baby shower, just remember: You’re not throwing up. You’re winning