Last Updated on December 4, 2025 by Michael

7 Lies All Used Car Salesmen Tell (And Why You Should Run)

Something needs to be said. Something that has plagued humanity since the first caveman tried to sell another caveman a slightly used wheel with “character marks.”

You know the guy. Short-sleeve dress shirt tucked into pleated khakis. Handshake that’s somehow both too firm AND too moist. Calls you “boss” or “chief” or “my friend” within thirty seconds of meeting you, despite the fact that you are none of those things to this person.

These people are artists.

Not the good kind. The kind that convinces you to pay $15,000 for a 2009 Honda Civic that smells faintly of divorce and regret. The kind that looks you dead in the eyes and says things that would make a polygraph machine burst into flames.

So here we go. Seven lies. Ranked by sheer audacity.

Lie #1: “This Baby Was Owned by a Little Old Lady Who Only Drove It to Church”

The mythical little old lady. She’s been BUSY, this woman. Somehow, impossibly, she has owned every single used car on every single lot in America. She must be exhausted.

Here’s what they’re conveniently leaving out:

• That “little old lady” was actually a 27-year-old DoorDash driver named Kevin who ate Taco Bell in the driver’s seat every single day for three years
• “Church” apparently means “literally anywhere on earth, we genuinely have no idea where this car has been”
• The odometer says 45,000 miles but the wear on that driver’s seat tells a different story entirely
• For all anyone actually knows, the previous owner might have been a family of possums

The little old lady doesn’t exist. She’s the Santa Claus of used car mythology. Except instead of presents, she delivers lies, wrapped up nice and pretty with a pine tree air freshener hanging from the mirror to cover up… whatever that smell is.

(Seriously. What IS that smell. Why do they all have a smell.)

Lie #2: “We’re Actually Losing Money on This Deal”

Oh NO. Not the dealership’s profit margins! Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the struggling used car lot?!

Quick math lesson.

Here’s the thing about businesses: they exist to make money. That’s the whole point. That’s the ONLY point. Nobody in the entire history of capitalism has ever sustained a business model based on losing money on purpose. That’s not entrepreneurship. That’s just being bad at selling things.

But sure. They’re “losing money.” On the eighth car they’ve sold this week. Makes total sense.

Lie #3: “Someone Else Is Looking at This Car Right Now”

Oh really?

Where?

Where is this mysterious other buyer? Are they invisible? Did they astral project here? Is this lot haunted by the ghosts of financially irresponsible decisions past?

This lie has several exciting flavor varieties:

• “A guy was just in here this morning asking about it” (there was no guy)
• “We’ve had three phone calls today” (the phone has not rung)
• “My buddy actually wants to buy this for his daughter” (his buddy does not exist and neither does the daughter)
• “A collector is flying in from overseas” (okay they don’t usually go THIS far but honestly give it time, nothing is off limits)

You want to know how to call this bluff? Walk away. Just leave. Get in your current car and drive home.

If that car is still sitting there tomorrow—and it will be, because it’s been there for six weeks and nobody wants it—congratulations. Mystery solved.

That “other buyer” was you. You were the other buyer all along. You were competing against yourself this whole time like some kind of automotive Fight Club situation.

Lie #4: “It Just Needs a Little TLC”

Translation time.

When a used car salesman says “TLC,” normal people hear “tender loving care.” Maybe some wax, a good vacuum, new floor mats.

What they ACTUALLY mean:

• The transmission is held together by hope and prayers
• Check engine light has been on so long the car thinks it’s a feature, not a bug
• The AC “works” in the sense that air comes out of vents (the temperature and intensity of that air are not guaranteed)
• Something under the hood is making a noise that can only be described as “distressed woodland creature”
• There are parts being held on by zip ties that you won’t discover until you’re on the highway

“TLC” is actually an acronym. It stands for Thousands in Labor and Components.

One time—and this is a real thing that happens—a car got sold as “needing a little TLC” and the new owner found out the hard way that the engine block had a crack in it. A CRACK. IN THE ENGINE BLOCK. That’s not “a little TLC.” That’s “a whole new engine and also maybe a lawsuit.”

Lie #5: “This Price Is Only Good Today”

No it isn’t.

The price is the same tomorrow. The price is the same next week. The car is literally depreciating in value as this conversation happens. If anything, waiting LONGER means the price should go DOWN, not up.

This is manufactured urgency. It’s fake pressure. It’s the used car equivalent of a website saying “Only 2 left in stock!” when there’s a warehouse in New Jersey absolutely stuffed with them.

You know what’s actually only good today? Milk that expires today. A concert that’s happening today. Today.

Not a 2016 Nissan Altima with a crack in the windshield and 89,000 miles that has been sitting on this lot since the Obama administration.

That thing isn’t going anywhere. Especially not with you, if you’re smart.

Lie #6: “The Carfax Is Clean”

Okay so.

Carfax only knows about things that got reported. You know how much stuff doesn’t get reported? An ALARMING amount of stuff doesn’t get reported.

Things that will absolutely not show up on a Carfax report:

• That time someone definitely backed into a concrete pole in a parking garage and just… didn’t tell anyone
• Flood damage from a “minor” weather event that the insurance company somehow never heard about
• Whatever happened in the back seat that required that much Febreze (you don’t want to know)
• Engine repairs done by “a guy my cousin knows” in a driveway somewhere
• The seven months the car spent in someone’s backyard slowly becoming a habitat for local wildlife

A clean Carfax doesn’t mean nothing bad happened.

It means nothing bad happened that anybody bothered to write down.

Those are EXTREMELY different things. Like, profoundly different. Like, “the difference between a car that’s fine and a car that’s going to leave you stranded on the side of I-95 at 11pm” different.

Lie #7: “What’s It Gonna Take to Get You in This Car Today?”

Ah yes. The classic. The big one. The question that every used car salesman is contractually obligated to ask at least once per interaction.

It SOUNDS like they’re being helpful. Like they want to know what you need. What your concerns are. How they can serve you better.

What they’re actually doing is fishing for the exact psychological pressure point that will make you crack and sign something.

Honest answers to this question that you should absolutely feel free to use:

• “A time machine to before this conversation started”
• “For this car to not smell like that”
• “A completely different car”
• “For you to stop calling me ‘boss,’ we just met”
• “Probably therapy, if we’re being honest”
• “A blood oath that the engine won’t explode”

When someone asks you this, they’re not your friend. They’re not trying to help. They’re running a playbook from the 1970s that has been psychologically terrorizing car buyers for half a century.

The correct response is to say “let me think about it” and then leave. Forever. Go to a different lot. Buy from a private seller. Take the bus. Whatever it takes.

The Bottom Line

Quick reference chart for your next adventure:

Look. Buying a used car doesn’t HAVE to be a nightmare. But you have to walk in there knowing that everything—and this is not an exaggeration, everything—coming out of that salesman’s mouth needs to be independently verified by someone who isn’t trying to sell you something.

Trust nothing. Bring a mechanic. A real one that you found yourself, not “a guy they know.” Check everything. Google the VIN. Look under the car. Sniff the car (you’ll know if something’s wrong, trust your nose on this one).

And for the love of everything, please don’t fall for the little old lady story.

She’s not real. She was never real. She’s a myth, a legend, a convenient fiction designed to make you feel warm and fuzzy about giving someone $12,000 for a Camry.

But you know what IS real?

The rust under that car is real.

Good luck out there.

Seriously though. Good luck. The used car market is a lawless wasteland and you’re gonna need it.