9 Best Places to Put Your Boogers

Ever sat there, finger digging for gold, and thought, “Where should this little nugget of nasal delight go?” You’re not alone. Today, we unravel the mystery of the nine best places to stash your boogers. Hold onto your nose hairs; this is going to get weird.

Grandma’s Antique Vase

Grandma’s been dead for 20 years, and that dusty old vase she cherished needs some love. Forget flowers—fill it with boogers. Think of it as a booger bouquet, a tribute to all the times she forced you to eat those suspicious holiday casseroles. Every time someone marvels at the antique’s craftsmanship, you’ll have a little secret smile. Bonus points if the vase is translucent!

Picture this: an art gallery with your relatives admiring her cherished vase, whispering, “Such history! Such class!” Meanwhile, inside, your mucus masterpiece is thriving, adding a personal touch Grandma would surely appreciate. If she were still around, she’d probably say, “That’s snot what I meant for it!”

Underneath Your Boss’s Desk

If you despise your boss and live for revenge, here’s the perfect plan. A stealthy booger deposit underneath their desk is the ultimate silent protest. Imagine them sitting there, unaware of the booger minefield developing just beneath their fingertips.

It’s a covert operation. You need timing, precision, and a strong stomach. Slide your hand under the desk during that tedious Monday morning meeting. Flick! One down, infinity to go. As weeks go by, the boogers will form a stalactite of gross rebellion. It’s like performance art, only grosser and much more satisfying.

Inside Your Friend’s Shoes

The next time you’re at a friend’s house, and they insist you take off your shoes, seize the opportunity. When they’re not looking, deposit a fresh, sticky booger right into their shoe. This isn’t just about hiding a booger; it’s about creating a moment of pure confusion and disgust when they slip their foot back in.

Their reaction when they feel that unexpected squish is priceless. They’ll either think they have an unidentified fungal infection or a vendetta against them. Either way, you’ll have a laugh, and they’ll have a booger surprise waiting for them every time they slip on those Nikes.

On a Stranger’s Bald Head

The bald head is a pristine, often shiny surface just begging for a booger. If you find yourself on a crowded bus or train, reach out and gently place your booger on the unsuspecting dome of a bald stranger.

This requires finesse and a lack of basic human decency, but the results are worth it. Picture the puzzled expression of the shiny-headed stranger as they feel something amiss, only to discover your slimy deposit. They’ll spend hours pondering where it came from while you sit back and revel in your gross genius.

In a Public Library Book

Libraries are sanctuaries of knowledge, peace, and now, boogers. When browsing the aisles, pick a random book and carefully stick a booger between the pages. Choose a classic, like “War and Peace,” because nothing says sophistication like Tolstoy with a side of nose nuggets.

Future readers will have a mixed experience: one minute, they’re deeply immersed in Russian literature, the next, they’re recoiling in disgust. It’s like adding a hidden twist to the plot, a tactile shock that brings the story to life in the worst way possible.

Your Nemesis’s Sandwich

Got a nemesis? Who doesn’t! Sneak a booger into their sandwich when they’re not looking. You’ll need stealth and a solid alibi. The look of bewilderment and horror on their face as they bite into that unexpected crunch is unparalleled.

The best part? You’ll forever be a part of their lunchtime trauma. Every time they eat a sandwich, they’ll remember that one time a mysterious booger invaded their meal. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, a bond that ties you two together in a gross yet intimate way.

Behind a Movie Theater Seat

Next time you’re at the movies, take advantage of the dark and deposit a booger behind your seat. It’s like leaving a tiny piece of yourself for future cinema-goers to find. Imagine someone running their fingers along the seat, only to find your dried-up little friend.

It’s like a gross version of “Kilroy was here,” a hidden signature that marks your territory in the most unsanitary way possible. Who knows? Maybe years from now, someone will start a conspiracy theory about the mysterious booger deposits appearing in theaters across the country.

Your Ex’s Toothbrush

Feeling a bit vengeful? Perfect. Next time you’re at your ex’s place, sneak into their bathroom and add a booger to their toothbrush. It’s the ultimate act of petty revenge, guaranteed to make you feel better about the breakup.

Imagine them brushing their teeth, suddenly gagging as they realize something’s horribly wrong. The mix of confusion, disgust, and betrayal is the perfect blend of emotions you want them to experience. Sure, it’s childish, but sometimes the best revenge is the grossest.

On a Roller Coaster

For the thrill-seeker, placing a booger on a roller coaster is the ultimate challenge. As the ride twists and turns, your booger will embark on its own wild journey. The real fun is knowing your snotty friend is out there, having the time of its life, sticking to God knows what.

This one’s a bit tricky since it requires perfect timing and a willingness to embrace public shame if caught. But the idea of your booger traveling at high speeds, clinging to the ride like a tiny, disgusting daredevil, is worth the risk.

Conclusion

And there you have it: the nine best places to put your boogers. Life is short, and boogers are plentiful. Why waste time with tissues when you can turn your nose gold into a public spectacle? So go forth, my snotty brethren, and leave your mark on the world in the most hilariously disgusting ways possible.