Faking a slip-and-fall at the grocery store will not make you rich. It will make you a felon with a bruised ass and a leading role in a film nobody wants to watch. The get-rich-quick fantasy floating around online is closer to a slow-motion financial castration. The numbers are humiliating and the cameras never blink….
The best places to hide your cash in a trailer park are not in a safe. A safe is a billboard that says “rob me last, but definitely rob me.” Cash in a trailer park is like a juicy secret at a family reunion. Everybody finds out by Tuesday. You are not hiding from cat…
Smelling like cheap bourbon before lunch is a lifestyle, and lifestyles require alibis. The bad news is that everyone’s nose works. The good news is that everyone’s nose is also stupid and easily lied to. What you need is a believable excuse for smelling like cheap bourbon, delivered with the confidence of a man who…
Dentures and a heavy night out have never been friends. Somewhere past the fourth pint, your teeth quietly develop ambitions of their own. A loose denture and eight lagers is not a partnership. It is a hostage situation, and the hostage is winning. You were never consulted on the itinerary. They will leave. The only…
The uterus came out, the bills came in, and somewhere on a stainless steel tray sits an organ that just spent forty years bleeding on demand without so much as a thank-you card. Most women hand her over to the surgeon and never look back. That is a tragedy with a solvable third act. She…
Someone had to write this. The internet has been waiting. The dartboards have been waiting. The void has been waiting, and the void is circular and mounted on a wall. You clicked on this article, which says something about you. Either you’re blind and genuinely interested in throwing sharp objects recreationally, or you’re sighted and…