A 40-something guy walks into a Tampa cardiology office with yellow lumps on his palms. His total cholesterol clocks in at over 1,000. That number was so absurd his doctor had rarely seen it that high. The culprit: hamburgers, sticks of butter, and up to nine pounds of cheese a day. He was doing the…
Somewhere right now, a man is reaching for a sock and a loop of his small intestine is reaching for a new career. That’s a hernia. It’s what happens when the abdominal wall files for early retirement and a piece of your gut decides to start its own LLC outside the body. Hernias don’t strike…
If you are reading this, something has gone catastrophically wrong in your day. You have diarrhea. You are Googling “worst hot peppers to eat when you have diarrhea.” And somewhere, in a quiet office in suburban Connecticut, your gastroenterologist just dropped his coffee mug and doesn’t know why. Let’s be clear up front: asking which…
The Physical Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much Ice Cream Your body is a reliable narrator in most situations. Touch something hot? Pain. Stay up too late? Tired. But when ice cream is involved, your body becomes the narrator of a novel where nothing makes sense and everyone is sweating for reasons they refuse to discuss….
So you found a lump. And now you’re three hours deep into WebMD, standing sideways in your bathroom mirror like you’re auditioning for a Picasso painting, convinced you have approximately 48 hours to live. Your browser history looks like a hypochondriac’s manifesto. You’ve already mentally distributed your belongings (your ex gets nothing, the cat gets…
So apparently this is a thing now. People—actual human beings with jobs and mortgages—are out here telling other people to eat cigarette butts for hiccups. This is where we are as a species. NASA put a rover on Mars and yet somewhere, right now, someone’s googling “cigarette butt hiccup cure” with genuine intent. How Did…
