Somewhere in America right now, a gastroenterologist is staring at the back of a stranger’s head from a profoundly unflattering angle. They have heard things. Disturbing things. Quotable things. Things their spouses have not been told about. Some of those things were said by patients running on one-third sedation, one-third dignity, and one-third leftover Pinot…
A hangover is your body’s annual performance review, delivered by a tiny pissed-off accountant who lives in your skull and uses your eyeballs as drum kits. The morning after a bender comes with the same tempting little lie: that some magical cure is out there, waiting to undo the eleven Aperol spritzes you treated like…
The Side Hustle Your Mother Warned You About Egg prices have done things to the American household that no therapist is licensed to undo. A dozen organic browns now costs more than a kidney on a Tuesday in Newark. The guy at the bodega looks at you with the cold pity normally reserved for cousins…
A 40-something guy walks into a Tampa cardiology office with yellow lumps on his palms. His total cholesterol clocks in at over 1,000. That number was so absurd his doctor had rarely seen it that high. The culprit: hamburgers, sticks of butter, and up to nine pounds of cheese a day. He was doing the…
Somewhere right now, a man is reaching for a sock and a loop of his small intestine is reaching for a new career. That’s a hernia. It’s what happens when the abdominal wall files for early retirement and a piece of your gut decides to start its own LLC outside the body. Hernias don’t strike…
If you are reading this, something has gone catastrophically wrong in your day. You have diarrhea. You are Googling “worst hot peppers to eat when you have diarrhea.” And somewhere, in a quiet office in suburban Connecticut, your gastroenterologist just dropped his coffee mug and doesn’t know why. Let’s be clear up front: asking which…