How to Get a Tattoo You’ll Still Love in 10 Years

Thinking about getting permanently stabbed with ink? Fantastic. Let’s make sure Future You doesn’t want to skin themselves like a potato.

Here’s the thing: tattoos are forever. Like, actually forever. Not “forever” like your high school relationship or that gym membership you swore you’d use. This is real commitment, baby.

Step 1: Realize Your Current Taste Probably Sucks

Remember what you thought was cool 10 years ago? Yeah. Exactly.

You probably had questionable hair. Questionable music taste. Questionable everything. So what makes you think your current aesthetic judgment is any better? Spoiler alert: it might not be.

Things That Seemed Like Good Ideas at the Time:

• Low-rise jeans
• Frosted tips
• That ex you dated for three years
• Putting your life savings into Beanie Babies
• Whatever you’re thinking of tattooing right now

Want to test if your idea is actually good? Tell your most judgmental friend about it. If they don’t immediately laugh or say “please don’t,” you might be onto something. If they start planning an intervention, maybe reconsider.

The “Oh God What Have I Done” Prevention Chart

Let’s get scientific about this disaster prevention.

The math is clear. Your odds are terrible. But you’re still reading, so clearly you hate good advice.

Location, Location, Location (Where to Put Your Questionable Choices)

You know what’s fun? Explaining your lower back tattoo at every pool party for the rest of your life.

You know what’s not fun? That.

Body Parts Ranked by Future Regret:

Minimal Regret Zone:

• Shoulder blade (hideable, classic)
• Upper arm (employment-friendly)
• Calf (only visible when you want it to be)

Moderate Regret Territory:

• Forearm (hope you like long sleeves)
• Chest (better be meaningful)
• Back (go big or go home)

Maximum Regret Locations:

• Face (are you Post Malone? No? Then no)
• Neck (enjoy unemployment)
• Hands (called “job stoppers” for a reason)
• Intimate areas (just… why?)

Remember: your body is going to change. That cute hip tattoo? Give it 10 years and some life changes. Now it looks like modern art. Abstract modern art. The bad kind.

How to Choose a Design That Won’t Make You Cry

Alright, let’s talk design strategy. This is where dreams go to die or become permanently embedded in your skin.

First rule? If it’s trending on social media, it’s already over. You see that cute minimalist mountain range everyone’s getting? In five years, it’ll be the tattoo equivalent of a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign.

Designs That Age Like Fine Wine:

• Traditional styles (they’re classic for a reason)
• Personal symbols (but actually personal, not Pinterest personal)
• Quality artwork (not your buddy’s sketch)
• Solid black work (bold will hold, as they say)

Designs That Age Like Milk in the Desert:

• Watercolor (looks like a bruise in 5 years)
• White ink (invisible in 3 years)
• Tiny detailed script (illegible blob incoming)
• Realistic portraits (unless you want nightmares)
• Trendy geometric animals (so 2020s)

Want a real test? Print out your design. Tape it to your mirror. Look at it every single day for six months. Still love it? Still excited? Congratulations, you might not be a complete idiot.

Finding an Artist (Not Your Cousin Who “Bought a Kit Online”)

This is crucial. CRUCIAL.

You’re literally paying someone to wound you artistically. Choose wisely.

Green Flags:

• Books months in advance
• Portfolio makes you weep with joy
• Clean studio (like, medical clean)
• Asks about your pain tolerance
• Charges more than your car payment
• Has their own incredible tattoos

Red Flags Bigger Than Soviet Russia:

• “I can do it for $20”
• Works from their garage
• Learned from YouTube
• No portfolio (“trust me bro”)
• Drunk right now
• Says “how hard could it be?”

Good tattoo artists are like good therapists. Expensive, hard to book, and absolutely worth waiting for. Bad ones are like bad sushi. Cheap, readily available, and will ruin your life.

The Drunk Test and Other Important Filters

Never get a tattoo drunk. Ever. EVER.

But here’s a thought: imagine yourself drunk looking at this tattoo. Would drunk you mock sober you? Because drunk you is honest. Brutally, cruelly honest.

Other Essential Tests:

• The Parent Test: Would you hide it from them?
• The Job Interview Test: Will it peek out of professional clothes?
• The Wedding Test: Does it clash with formal wear?
• The Beach Test: Will strangers point and whisper?
• The Explanation Test: Can you explain it without sounding insane?

If you failed more than two of these tests, maybe stick to temporary tattoos. They make really realistic ones now. Nobody has to know about your commitment issues.

What Your Tattoo Says About You (The Brutal Truth)

Let’s decode what you’re really telling the world.

Harsh? Yes. True? Also yes. Choose accordingly.

The Pain Factor Nobody Talks About

You want to know what getting a tattoo feels like? Imagine a tiny angry bee with a personal vendetta against your skin. Now imagine thousands of them. For hours.

Pain Scale by Location:

• Fatty areas: Like aggressive scratching
• Bony areas: Like aggressive stabbing
• Ribs: Like signing a deal with Satan
• Spine: Why do you hate yourself?
• Feet: Seriously, why?
• Armpit: Seek therapy

But here’s the secret: the pain is temporary. That butterfly tramp stamp is forever.

Size Matters (And Bigger Is Better)

You want a detailed portrait of your dog the size of a dime?

In 10 years, that’ll look like an angry raisin.

Small intricate tattoos age terribly. Those delicate lines blur. That tiny script becomes illegible. Your meaningful symbol becomes a mysterious blob that requires explanation at every beach trip.

Think big. Your skin is canvas, not a Post-it note. Give your artist room to work. Give your tattoo room to age gracefully. Give future you something recognizable.

The Money Reality Check

If you’re price shopping for tattoos, you’re doing it wrong. This isn’t Amazon. There’s no Prime Day deal for permanent body art.

The True Cost Analysis:

• Good tattoo: $200-500/hour (worth it)
• Great tattoo: $500+/hour (really worth it)
• Cheap tattoo: $50 (prepare for regret)
• Cover-up: 2x the original (minimum)
• Removal: Your soul plus $3000
• Living with a bad tattoo: Priceless (not in a good way)

Save. Wait. Get it done right. This isn’t the place to use Groupon.

Final Wisdom From Someone Who’s Seen Too Many Bad Tattoos

Look, you’re an adult (probably). You can do whatever you want with your meat suit. But consider this:

Future you is watching. Future you has opinions. Future you might have different taste, different jobs, different everything. Be kind to future you.

The Ultimate Checklist:

• Waited at least 6 months? □
• Found a real artist? □
• Saved actual money? □
• Told your most honest friend? □
• Still excited about it? □
• Sober right now? □
• Reading this without defensive anger? □

Checked all the boxes? Congrats. You might get a tattoo you’ll actually love in 10 years.

Didn’t check the boxes? Get it anyway. Someone needs to be a cautionary tale, might as well be you.

Just remember: laser removal hurts more than the original tattoo, costs more than your car, and doesn’t always work completely. But hey, #YOLO, right?

(Please don’t get YOLO tattooed on yourself.)