How to Identify if Your Brother’s Girlfriend is a Mermaid

Last Updated on May 21, 2024 by Michael

Is your brother’s new girlfriend a little too perfect? Does she have a suspiciously good singing voice and a love for all things aquatic? It’s time to face the facts: your brother might be dating a mermaid. But don’t worry, we’re here to help you navigate these uncharted waters and determine if your potential sister-in-law is more fish than human.

She Has a Suspicious Lack of Legs

One of the most obvious signs that your brother’s girlfriend is a mermaid is a noticeable absence of legs. If she always seems to be sitting down or wrapped in a blanket, it might be time to do some investigating.

• Casually suggest a game of twister and watch as she tries to navigate the colorful dots with her tail.
• Invite her to a family soccer match and see if she has a sudden “prior engagement” that day.
• Ask her to join you for a jog and observe as she frantically tries to come up with an excuse.

If she manages to avoid all of these leg-centric activities, there’s a good chance you’ve got a mermaid on your hands.

Her Hair is Always Perfect (Even Underwater)

Have you ever noticed that your brother’s girlfriend’s hair always looks suspiciously perfect, even after a dip in the pool? This could be a sign that she’s used to spending time underwater.

• Invite her to a family pool party and watch as she gracefully glides through the water, her hair remaining flawless.
• Suggest a beach day and observe as she emerges from the ocean with nary a strand out of place.
• Ask her what shampoo she uses and see if she mentions any suspicious ingredients like “kelp extract” or “seahorse tears.”

If her hair remains impeccable no matter how much time she spends in the water, you might have a mermaid in your midst.

She Has an Uncanny Ability to Communicate with Sea Creatures

Does your brother’s girlfriend have an eerie connection with the creatures of the deep? This could be a sign that she’s part of their world.

• Take her to the aquarium and watch as she seems to have full-blown conversations with the fish.
• Invite her on a whale watching trip and observe as she appears to be giving the whales directions.
• Ask her if she knows any good sushi restaurants and see if she looks horrified at the thought of eating her aquatic friends.

If she seems to have a special bond with all things finned and scaly, there’s a good chance she’s a mermaid.

She’s Suspiciously Good at Holding Her Breath

Have you ever noticed that your brother’s girlfriend never seems to come up for air? This could be a sign that she’s used to spending long periods of time underwater.

• Challenge her to a breath-holding contest and watch as she outlasts everyone by a full minute.
• Take her snorkeling and observe as she disappears beneath the waves for an unsettlingly long time.
• Ask her how she learned to hold her breath for so long and see if she mentions any suspicious teachers like “a wise old octopus” or “a school of dolphins.”

If she has an uncanny ability to go without oxygen, you might have a mermaid on your hands.

She Has a Strange Aversion to Seafood

Does your brother’s girlfriend turn up her nose at the mere mention of seafood? This could be a sign that she’s more fish than human.

• Invite her to a family clambake and watch as she politely declines every dish.
• Take her to a sushi restaurant and observe as she looks horrified at the thought of eating raw fish.
• Ask her if she has any food allergies and see if she mentions anything suspicious like “seaweed” or “plankton.”

If she avoids seafood like the plague, there’s a good chance she’s a mermaid.

Her Favorite Accessory is a Suspiciously Large Fork

Have you ever noticed that your brother’s girlfriend always seems to be carrying around a oversized fork? This could be a sign that she’s actually a mermaid in disguise.

• Casually ask her what the fork is for and watch as she struggles to come up with a believable explanation.
• Invite her to a family dinner and observe as she instinctively reaches for her giant fork instead of the regular-sized utensils.
• Ask her if she has any hobbies and see if she mentions anything suspicious like “fork collecting” or “trident polishing.”

If she’s never without her trusty oversized fork, you might have a mermaid on your hands.

She Has a Mysterious Past

Does your brother’s girlfriend have a suspiciously vague backstory? This could be a sign that she’s hiding something fishy (pun intended).

• Ask her where she grew up and watch as she gives a non-specific answer like “oh, you know, around.”
• Inquire about her family and observe as she changes the subject faster than a fish can swim.
• Try to find her on social media and see if her profile is suspiciously bare or filled with pictures of the ocean.

If her past is as murky as the depths of the sea, there’s a good chance she’s a mermaid.

She Has an Uncanny Knowledge of All Things Nautical

Does your brother’s girlfriend seem to know an awful lot about the ocean and its inhabitants? This could be a sign that she’s spent a significant amount of time under the sea.

• Ask her a random question about a obscure sea creature and watch as she answers with surprising expertise.
• Invite her to a family trivia night and observe as she dominates the ocean-related categories.
• Mention a little-known nautical fact and see if she corrects you with even more obscure knowledge.

If her brain is a veritable encyclopedia of all things aquatic, you might have a mermaid on your hands.

She Has a Peculiar Fondness for Seashells

Have you ever noticed that your brother’s girlfriend seems to have an obsession with seashells? This could be a sign that she’s a mermaid who misses her undersea home.

• Visit her apartment and watch as you struggle to find a surface not covered in seashells.
• Compliment her on a piece of jewelry and observe as she launches into a detailed explanation of the shell it’s made from.
• Ask her if she collects anything and see if she mentions anything suspicious like “rare underwater treasures” or “mermaid artifacts.”

If her love for seashells borders on the obsessive, there’s a good chance she’s a mermaid.

She Sings Hauntingly Beautiful Melodies

Does your brother’s girlfriend have an enchanting singing voice that seems to captivate everyone who hears it? This could be a sign that she’s using her mermaid powers to lure unsuspecting humans.

• Invite her to a family karaoke night and watch as she mesmerizes the crowd with her siren song.
• Ask her if she’s ever taken singing lessons and see if she mentions any suspicious teachers like “a wise old sea turtle” or “a school of singing squid.”
• Request that she sing you a lullaby and observe as you find yourself inexplicably drawn to the ocean.

If her voice is as hauntingly beautiful as the call of the sea, you might have a mermaid on your hands.

The Bottom Line

If your brother’s girlfriend exhibits several of these telltale signs, there’s a good chance she’s a mermaid. But before you confront her with your suspicions, ask yourself: is it really so bad to have a mythical creature as a potential sister-in-law?

Think about it: she could teach you the secrets of the ocean, help you find buried treasure, and even introduce you to her cool underwater friends. Plus, you’ll never have to worry about buying her a present for her birthday – just get her a new seashell and she’ll be thrilled.

So if you do discover that your brother’s girlfriend is a mermaid, embrace it! After all, having a mermaid in the family is a lot more exciting than having a regular old human. Just make sure to keep a close eye on your brother during beach vacations – you don’t want him getting lured away by her siren song.