Look. You clicked on this. That means you’re either genuinely considering entering a fried chicken eating contest, or you’re eight hours into a procrastination spiral that started with “best houseplants for low light” and has deposited you here, at 2am, reading about competitive poultry consumption written by someone who should probably be doing literally anything…
So you’re blind. And you want to fly a plane. Alone. Alone alone. Like, nobody else in the cockpit. Just you and several tons of aluminum hurtling through the atmosphere at speeds that would liquefy a human body on impact. You, specifically, who cannot see the ground. Or the sky. Or the difference between the…
Look. This conversation has been a long time coming. You’ve been up at 3am doing things on the internet. Unhinged things. Googling “signs of demonic possession” and “can evil be hereditary” and “is it normal to hear boss music when my mother-in-law pulls into the driveway.” Your browser history reads like the prequel to a…
Look. Nobody here is judging you. But if you’re genuinely considering downing 24, 30, or god forbid, 36 beers in one sitting, someone needs to intervene. That someone is this article. Buckle up, champ. The Physical Consequences Your liver will file for divorce. It’s been putting up with a lot. This might be the final…
7 Lies All Used Car Salesmen Tell (And Why You Should Run) Something needs to be said. Something that has plagued humanity since the first caveman tried to sell another caveman a slightly used wheel with “character marks.” You know the guy. Short-sleeve dress shirt tucked into pleated khakis. Handshake that’s somehow both too firm…
Nobody wakes up and chooses this life. One day you’re a functioning adult with a refrigerator full of actual food, and the next day you’re standing in front of a mechanical rectangle at 2 AM, trying to decide if Cheetos count as dinner. Life comes at you fast, and apparently it comes at you through…