Last Updated on November 8, 2024 by Michael

Houseplants for the Wildly Unprepared and Weirdly Ambitious

The Complete Guide to Choosing the Right Houseplants for Your Space

Ever stare at your barren living room and think, “What if I put some living green stuff here that I will almost definitely kill within a week?” Yeah, me too. Let’s talk about plants. I know you clicked on this because you want some green crap in your space that says, “I’m responsible,” but let’s be real, you and I both know the truth. Maybe you’ll keep it alive, maybe it’ll slowly wither as you watch, disappointed but somehow unsurprised. Either way, buckle in (no, don’t, I hate seatbelts) because we’re taking this half-dead journey to chlorophyll-land with or without proper hydration.

Horticultural Drama Queens: Plants That Want All the Attention, All the Time

Listen, there are plants, and then there are PLANTS. I’m talking about those leafy little egomaniacs that demand constant sunlight, just the right amount of water, and will throw an absolute tantrum if you look at them wrong. You probably want a plant like this. Why? Because somewhere deep down, you want to prove to the world that you can handle commitment—even though you absolutely cannot.

Let’s start with the Fiddle Leaf Fig. This diva is basically the Mariah Carey of houseplants. It wants bright light but will burn if it’s too much. It wants water, but just a splash—no, not that much! Honestly, it would prefer a crystal decanter. You’ll probably cry at least once trying to figure this one out. And honestly? It loves that for you.

Another worthy opponent is the Orchid. This little drama queen won’t even look at you unless it gets indirect sunlight and humidity levels that mimic the Amazon rainforest. You know, the kind of place you’re never going to visit. The orchid will mock your attempts to spritz it with tap water, laughing silently as it loses another leaf just to spite you. Honestly, it’s like having a plant that also happens to be your passive-aggressive aunt who lives for your failures.

Snake Plants? Nah, too easy. You’re not getting off that light. Let’s go for a Boston Fern. This one’s going to shed its leaves every time you glance at it. Oh, and it hates dry air. Guess what’s in your home in winter? Yep, dry air. If you don’t want a plant that will single-handedly ruin your emotional stability, why are you even here?

Not feeling properly terrified yet? Try a Maidenhair Fern. It’s like the pet you never wanted but got anyway. It needs constant misting, shade, and the soul of a unicorn to stay alive. You’ll be emotionally exhausted, questioning all your life choices as it throws another leaf to the floor just to remind you who’s really in charge.

Houseplants for People Who Pretend to Have Their Lives Together

Okay, let’s say you’ve got friends coming over, and you want them to think you’re a functioning adult. You could clean your place, sure—but that’s a lot of work. You know what’s easier? A plant. Nothing screams “I definitely do my laundry regularly” like a rubber plant in the corner. It’s like the avocado toast of plants. Hip, but honestly pretty bland. It’s also somewhat indestructible, which is great for you, since the last thing you successfully kept alive was a Tamagotchi—and even that’s debatable.

The Pothos is the ultimate “I swear I’m responsible” houseplant. This one’s for the folks who want credit for being nurturing but also don’t want to do a single damn thing. It’s the ultimate faker. It’ll grow in low light, bright light, whatever light. Forget to water it? It doesn’t care. Spill your beer on it during a party? Weirdly enough, it seems to thrive on that chaos. It’s basically the plant version of that friend who survives off energy drinks and vibes.

You also can’t go wrong with a ZZ Plant. Look, I get it, you’re lazy. ZZ Plants get you. Water it, like, once a month. It’ll live. Maybe it’ll even grow a bit if you accidentally remember to give it some fertilizer. You can literally put it in the darkest corner of your place, and it will just sigh and get on with it. It’s the plant equivalent of a nihilist—it’s here, but it really doesn’t care if it’s thriving.

Want a statement plant that looks like you put in effort without, you know, actually putting in any effort? Enter the Spider Plant. It’s got these cute little offshoots that make it look like it’s trying way harder than it is. Just ignore the fact that it’s basically the rabbit of the plant world, ready to reproduce at any moment. (Honestly, don’t even think about what you’re going to do with all those “baby” plants—you’re not ready for parenthood.)

Plants That Are Basically Trying to Escape Your Home

Sometimes a plant doesn’t just want to sit there, it wants to move. Okay, it’s not actually going to uproot itself and walk away, but you can tell that it would if it could. These plants are what you get when you want some chaos energy in your living room.

Consider Ivy. Ivy doesn’t want to be tamed. You stick it in a pot, and it immediately starts reaching for the door, like, “Get me out of here, bro.” It’ll grow up your walls, down your furniture, probably even through your soul if you let it. You think you’re in charge of this situation, but really, Ivy is plotting your demise. It will get everywhere, and soon, your house will look like something out of a witch’s cottage. Honestly, not a bad vibe if you’re into it.

Monsteras are another example. They literally call it a Monster for a reason. Give it space, and it will grow like it’s got a personal vendetta against your carefully planned layout. This is not the type of plant you get if you’re trying to keep things neat and organized. It’s the sort of thing that’ll grow a leaf the size of a dinner plate just to mess with you. You thought that shelf would be enough? Wrong. You’re playing in its world now.

If you’re feeling brave, you might consider a Creeping Fig. It will grow and grow until it’s basically making demands. One day, you’ll walk into your living room, and there will be vines everywhere. You’ll either learn to love it or resign yourself to its leafy dominion. Either way, this plant is clearly looking to annex your apartment into its leafy empire.

Climbing Plants are for those who look at a plain wall and think, “You know what this needs? An invasion.” Think of them as anarchist plants—they don’t obey borders, and they definitely don’t care about your desire for a ‘clean aesthetic.’ They’re basically squatters, turning your walls into their makeshift shelter without paying rent. You wanted a plant? Congratulations, you’re now a landlord to a squatter with vines.

The Philodendron is the houseplant that simply cannot be contained. Put it in a corner, and it will spill everywhere. Hang it up, and it will trail down like it’s out for revenge. This one’s not here to look cute in a pot. It’s here to take over. You either surrender to its vibe or get crushed under the weight of your own ambition.

Succulents for When You Can’t Even Handle the Simplest Lifeforms

You know that feeling when you just want something, anything, to be easy? Succulents are here to lower the bar as much as humanly possible. Forget normal plants—these are the low-maintenance Tinder date of the botanical world: they don’t need much, they look cute, and they’re impossible to commit to emotionally.

Aloe Vera is the classic. Even if you forget it exists for six months, it’ll still be there, thick and vaguely gelatinous. You’ll forget to water it, and it’ll just laugh in your face and keep on trucking. Plus, it has that whole gel thing going on. Need a skin remedy? Congrats, you’ve got a plant that doubles as a medieval cure-all. Aloe doesn’t care about your commitment issues—it’s got its own life.

Next up, the echeveria. You’ve seen these in every office, every Instagram post, and every sad windowsill. This is the plant equivalent of a Kardashian—everybody knows it, and it looks nice, but there’s not much depth there. You water it, you let it sit in sunlight, and that’s about it. No drama, no tantrums, just vibes.

Cacti are the ultimate. You forget to water these, and they’ll be fine. You try to love them too much, and they’ll stab you. A perfect metaphor for all your failed relationships. Cacti are like the old, wise grandparents of the plant world—grumpy, spiky, and likely to outlive all of us. If you kill a cactus, maybe just… don’t try any more plants. You’re clearly a danger.

Jade Plants are like the friend that eats one piece of bread a day and claims they’re fine. It doesn’t ask for much, and it’s not here to impress. The Jade Plant just wants you to leave it alone, maybe water it once a month, and pretend it’s not a cry for help. If you’re at the point in your life where you need something green but are unwilling to work for it, Jade Plant has your back.

Want a plant that’s basically a rock with a personality? Meet Lithops, the living stones. You’re not going to kill these guys unless you try. They’re weirdly shaped, vaguely uncomfortable to look at, and require little to nothing from you—kind of like a college roommate. They’re the perfect solution for anyone who has both a fear of responsibility and a fear of anything that looks too normal.

If you manage to kill a Haworthia, you might just want to stick to plastic plants. This succulent is so low-key, it practically waters itself. It grows in weird shapes that say, “I’m too cool to be symmetrical,” and it will thrive even if you provide it with absolutely nothing but neglect. At this point, it’s less of a plant and more of a cryogenic experiment.

Plants That Will Absolutely Judge You—and Possibly Your Life Choices

Some plants are more like roommates than decorations. They see everything. They sit there, photosynthesizing away, while silently judging your every move. Want a plant that makes you feel seen? This section is for you.

The Peace Lily is here for your emotional support—or at least, that’s what it wants you to think. It’s judging the dust on the shelves. It’s making a mental note every time you walk past it without giving it a drink. You’re over here trying to keep it happy, and it’s giving you side-eye. Yes, side-eye. It’s the passive-aggressive plant that really just wants you to get your act together.

A Parlor Palm doesn’t just want water, it wants a vibe. It wants the kind of home that says, “I burn incense and pretend I have my life sorted.” You put one in the corner, and it’s going to look at your cluttered floor and sigh dramatically. Honestly, it’s the teenage daughter you never had. Water it inconsistently, and it’s going to get droopy—probably out of spite.

The Ficus Benjamina is just petty. If you move it? It drops leaves. If it’s not happy? More leaves hit the ground. It’s throwing shade in the most literal sense. This plant demands you cater to its every whim or face the consequences, which mostly involve sweeping up a bunch of leaves while your ficus watches and snickers internally.

Spider Plants look innocent enough, but don’t be fooled—they’re judging you for everything you do. Didn’t you water it exactly on schedule? It’s growing an extra baby, just to spite you. Put it in a spot that gets too much sun? It’ll grow with a weird lean, so now you feel guilty every time you see it. It’s the plant equivalent of that friend who sends you a subtle, but cutting, “You okay?” text every time you’re spiraling.

Calatheas are basically the cat of houseplants. They’re finicky, they hate change, and they will absolutely let you know if they’re unhappy. Calatheas curl their leaves if the humidity is off by even the slightest bit, just to let you know you failed them yet again. They’ll make you feel like the terrible plant parent you probably are, and weirdly enough, you’ll accept it.

The Begonia Rex is here to critique your taste in decor. It’s flashy, it’s dramatic, and it knows it’s the star of the show. You put this plant somewhere, and suddenly, your other furniture just looks sad. It’s the one plant that makes you think, “Am I actually classy, or do I just own a lot of IKEA furniture?” This is the plant that wants you to step up your game—or just admit that you’re living in squalor.

English Ivy will hang on for a while, quietly, before deciding it’s had enough. Maybe it’ll catch some spider mites, maybe it’ll just start looking crunchy—either way, it’s not impressed by your pathetic watering schedule. You thought you were friends? Nope. It was waiting for a chance to throw some serious shade your way (and, possibly, die). It’s petty, and it loves that.

Plants That Will Break Up With You Without Warning

Some plants will make you feel like everything’s going great, only to suddenly decide they’ve had enough of you. They’re like the toxic ex who ghosts you after a perfect date. You think things are fine—there’s new growth, it’s looking vibrant—and then, bam, it drops all its leaves. No explanation, no closure. It’s emotional sabotage, and these plants thrive on it.

The Ficus Audrey is one such culprit. You’ll think everything’s going perfectly, and then it’ll just… quit. It’s a silent, swift betrayal that will leave you staring at an empty stick and wondering what you did wrong. Spoiler: It was everything. Ficus Audrey was never really yours to keep.

Dieffenbachia is another one. One minute, it’s lush and full, the next minute it’s acting like you’ve been poisoning it with each watering. It’s unpredictable, moody, and if it had a personality, it would absolutely tell you that “it’s not you, it’s me” before dropping all its leaves to make you feel guilty.

The Fittonia (or nerve plant) is the kind of plant that will faint just because it feels neglected for five minutes. You forgot to water it? It’ll go limp. Give it some water? It’ll spring back, but it’ll make sure you know you messed up. It’s all a show, designed to make you feel like you’re one bad day away from ruining everything.

We can’t forget the Croton. This plant is all about vibes. If it’s happy, it’s colorful, it’s beautiful. If it’s not? It drops leaves faster than you can blink. It’s the kind of plant that punishes you for any slight deviation from what it wants. It’s gorgeous but dramatic, and honestly, it just doesn’t care about your emotional stability.

Anthuriums are also on this list. They love to look great for a while—flowering, thriving, making you feel like a true plant wizard. Then, for reasons beyond comprehension, they’ll decide they’re done. Flowers wilt, leaves start yellowing, and before you know it, you’re left with a pot of disappointment.

The Polka Dot Plant is like a rollercoaster of emotions. One day, it’s covered in colorful speckles; the next, it’s leggy and sad. It’s the plant equivalent of someone who changes their mind about everything—constantly. You never know if it’s thriving or actively planning its escape.

Caladiums are also notorious for their abrupt exits. You think you’re doing fine, and then it just decides it’s going dormant. No warning, just vibes. It’s going to sleep, and you’re left questioning why you can’t keep anything alive. Caladium doesn’t care, it’ll be back when it feels like it. Maybe.

Oxalis is deceptive. You’ll think it’s happy, and it will be—for a while. Then, suddenly, it’s acting all droopy, as if you did something to offend it. It’ll perk up again, but not before making you question your entire watering schedule. Oxalis is just here to remind you that life is fleeting and happiness is temporary.

Angel Wing Begonia might be the worst of all. It’ll flourish, giving you stunning leaves and blooms, making you feel like you’ve got this plant-parenting thing down. And then, without any explanation, it decides it’s dropping all of its leaves. You think it’s dying, and then one day, it just starts growing again. It’s a wild ride of manipulation.

The Flaky Houseplants: Because Even They Don’t Know What They Want

Flaky houseplants are a bit like those friends who can never decide where they want to eat. One day, they love the sun; the next, they’re scorched. They’re the plants that make you question whether you’re the problem or they are. Spoiler: It’s them.

Stromanthe Triostar is the classic case. One moment it’s vibrant and colorful, the next, it’s got crispy edges and looks like it’s on death’s doorstep. It’s picky about light, picky about water, and sometimes it’s just in a bad mood. You’ll never really know what’s wrong because it won’t tell you—it just wants you to suffer.

The Zebra Plant (Aphelandra) is another plant with commitment issues. It wants bright, indirect light, but too much and it’ll scorch. Too little, and it’ll start dropping leaves. Watering is equally complicated—it’s the kind of plant that will act like it’s drowning if you give it a drop too much. It’s the drama queen you didn’t need but ended up with anyway.

Prayer Plants are also notorious flakes. They move their leaves up and down depending on the time of day, making you think they’re thriving. But give them slightly too much or too little water, and suddenly they’re acting like you’ve tried to end their existence. They’re emotional, sensitive, and honestly exhausting.

Marantas are like their dramatic cousin. They want humidity, they want perfect water conditions, and they’ll curl up into sad little balls if they don’t get exactly what they need. They’re here to make sure you know that plant care is not supposed to be easy.

Calatheas are another variety that just doesn’t know what it wants. They need humidity but hate sitting in water. They need filtered light but hate direct sun. They’ll make you feel like a terrible person even though you’re trying your best. It’s a never-ending game of “what did I do wrong now?”

Nerve Plants will go limp at the slightest sign of neglect. You forgot to water it one time? It’s laying down like it’s been mortally wounded. You water it again, and it perks up, but you know it’ll never let you forget your transgression. It’s like a Shakespearean plant tragedy every single week.

Begonia Maculata, with its gorgeous polka-dotted leaves, is another flaky contender. It’s stunning when it’s happy, but it’s extremely temperamental. Any change in its environment and it’ll start dropping leaves or developing crispy edges. It’s beautiful, but oh boy, it’s exhausting to keep that way.

The Chinese Money Plant is also a bit of a drama king. It likes bright, indirect light, but if you give it too much sun, it’ll burn. Too little, and it gets all leggy and sad. It’s the kind of plant that wants you to cater to its every need without giving you any real sense of satisfaction.

Rex Begonias are known for their unpredictable nature. One minute, they’re full and thriving, the next, they’re sulking for reasons you’ll never understand. They need perfect humidity, perfect watering, and perfect light—and even then, they might just decide they’re not feeling it.

Fittonia is the quintessential flaky plant. It’ll go limp just to get your attention, then pop back up like nothing happened. It’s like the friend who constantly cancels plans but still expects you to always be available. Keeping it alive is a constant guessing game.

Plants That Are Actually Just Freeloaders

Some plants aren’t here to bring you joy or life or any of that. They’re here to take up space, ask for resources, and give you absolutely nothing in return. These are the freeloaders of the plant world—the ones that make you question why you’re even bothering.

Lucky Bamboo is the ultimate freeloader. It just sits there in a jar of water, taking up space. It’s not that pretty, it’s not that interesting, but it’s easy to keep alive. It’s like that friend who shows up at your house, raids your fridge, and then falls asleep on your couch without even pretending to care.

Pothos N’Joy is another one. It’s supposed to be a variegated version of the classic Pothos, but honestly, it’s just more work for not much extra return. It’s not as easy as its cousin, and it’s constantly making you feel like it could be doing better. It’s here to freeload, and it knows it.

Aloe Vera might be useful sometimes, but honestly, most of the time, it just sits there. You might use the gel for a sunburn once in a blue moon, but mostly it’s just taking up space and pretending to be a big deal. You’re feeding it, watering it, and it’s giving you… what, exactly? Not much.

Philodendron Brasil is here for the vibes, not the work. It’ll grow if you let it, but it’s not really doing anything special. It’s like the roommate that you can’t remember why you live with because they just sit on the couch all day watching reality TV. It’s there, it’s fine, but it’s not bringing anything new to the table.

The Cast Iron Plant is another freeloader. It’s impossible to kill, sure, but it’s also not very interesting. It’s just there, existing, while you do all the work. You’re watering it, you’re making sure it’s getting enough light, and for what? It’s not even trying to look pretty.

Snake Plants are also in this category. They’re easy, sure, but they’re also boring. You put one in a pot, and it just sits there, looking vaguely architectural, but not really bringing much else to the party. It’s the definition of low-effort, low-return.

Spider Plants are freeloaders too. Sure, they make babies, but those babies just end up taking over your space without asking for permission. It’s like a freeloading family member that you let stay for a week and then suddenly they’ve moved in permanently.

Peace Lilies are another example. They’ll bloom occasionally, but most of the time, they’re just sitting there, being green and droopy. They’re taking your time and your care, and what are you getting in return? A sad, limp flower every now and then.

Heartleaf Philodendron is a plant that looks nice, but it’s not really doing anything groundbreaking. It’s growing, yes, but not in any interesting or exciting way. You’re keeping it alive, but it’s not giving you anything to write home about.

Aspidistra is known as the “cast iron plant” because it’s hard to kill, but that’s about all it has going for it. It’s here to take up space, not to impress anyone. It’s like the friend who never leaves the party, just sits in the corner, and expects you to bring them drinks.

Houseplants That Should Come With a Warning Label

Some plants are beautiful, exotic, or interesting, but they come with a catch. They should come with a giant warning label that says, “Attempt at your own risk.” They’re either dangerous, finicky, or just plain weird, and they’re not for the faint of heart.

Oleander is gorgeous, but it’s also toxic as hell. You touch it, you ingest it, you could be in for a very bad day. This is not the kind of plant you want if you have pets or kids or, you know, hands. It’s here for the aesthetics, but it’s also secretly plotting your demise.

The Dumb Cane (Dieffenbachia) will make you literally lose your ability to speak if you chew on its leaves. Not that you would, but, you know, kids and pets are unpredictable. It’s beautiful, yes, but also a bit of a silent threat lurking in your living room.

Sago Palm is another one that looks great but comes with a price. Every single part of it is toxic. It’s the kind of plant that will sit there, looking all prehistoric and cool, while secretly being a danger to everyone around it. You want it in your space, but only if you’re okay with living life on the edge.

Crown of Thorns is another gorgeous plant that comes with a warning label. It’s got these beautiful blooms, but it’s also covered in thorns that will absolutely wreck your day if you’re not careful. It’s like the rose of houseplants, but it’s more of a “touch me and die” situation.

English Ivy is another classic plant that seems innocent enough, but it can become invasive and take over everything if given the chance. It’s pretty, but it’s not here to play nice. If you let it, it’ll grow into every nook and cranny of your home and suffocate your other plants.

The Pencil Cactus is a fun-looking plant, but it’s got sap that can cause severe irritation. It’s there, looking all cool and sculptural, but it’s basically telling you, “Don’t touch me, or else.” It’s a cactus that doesn’t just want to poke you—it wants to burn you.

Datura is another plant with beautiful, otherworldly blooms, but it’s highly toxic. It’s the kind of plant that looks like it belongs in a witch’s garden, and honestly, that’s because it probably should. It’s gorgeous, dangerous, and definitely not for casual plant parents.

Angel’s Trumpet is a stunning plant with big, dramatic flowers, but it’s also a poison bomb waiting to happen. It’s the kind of thing you see in movies with evil queens, and for good reason—it’s not here to play nice. You grow it if you want to live dangerously.

Cactus varieties like the Cholla have needles that will stick to you, your pets, your clothes, and pretty much anything that gets near them. They’re beautiful, but if you’re not careful, they’ll make your life miserable. It’s like the punk rock version of a houseplant.

The Euphorbia genus is filled with beautiful, weird plants that are also potentially toxic. They’re cool to look at, but they’ve got that “don’t mess with me” vibe that makes them more trouble than they’re worth. If you’re looking for a thrill, go for it—otherwise, maybe stick to something less hostile.

Plants That Seem Cool, but Are Actually Trying to Gaslight You

Some plants seem like they’re going to be easy, rewarding, and chill. They lure you in with their glossy leaves or interesting growth patterns. But they’re secretly out to make you question your sanity. They thrive one week, sulk the next, and generally leave you in a state of constant confusion.

The Peace Lily is the classic gaslighter. One day, it’s lush and flowering, and the next, it’s drooping over dramatically like you haven’t watered it in months—even though you literally watered it yesterday. It’s making you question your entire sense of reality.

Ficus Elastica (Rubber Plant) is another culprit. It’s easygoing—until it’s not. You think you’ve got it figured out, and then suddenly, it’s dropping leaves and looking sad. Did you water it too much? Not enough? Too much light? Not enough light? You’ll never know because it refuses to communicate.

The Yucca Plant also loves a good mind game. It wants bright light, but not too much. It wants occasional water, but it also hates sitting in wet soil. It’s the kind of plant that makes you feel like you’ve finally figured it out, only for it to suddenly start going brown for absolutely no reason.

The Rubber Fig (Ficus Tineke) is basically the houseplant equivalent of an emotionally unavailable partner. It looks great, you think everything’s going well, and then it just drops a leaf to remind you that you’re not in control. It’s here to make sure you never get too comfortable.

The Alocasia Polly is the worst for gaslighting. It’ll be thriving, growing new leaves, and then suddenly, it decides it hates everything. It’ll drop leaves, go dormant, and leave you questioning everything you thought you knew. It’s the kind of plant that keeps you on your toes—in the worst way.

ZZ Plants are also deceptive. They look like they’re easygoing, and they are—until you overwater them. Then they start turning yellow, dropping stems, and making you wonder if you’ve killed the unkillable. It’s the kind of plant that makes you feel like a fool for caring too much.

The String of Hearts is the kind of plant that makes you think it’s thriving, only to start shriveling for no apparent reason. It wants bright, indirect light, but not too much. It wants to be watered, but not too often. It’s like the plant equivalent of someone who gives you mixed signals, constantly.

Calathea Medallion is beautiful, but it’s also out to destroy your confidence. It’ll look lush and amazing, and then suddenly, its leaves start curling up, browning, and it just looks generally miserable. You try to fix it, but nothing seems to work. It’s making you think you’re the problem.

The String of Pearls is another plant that will make you feel insane. It’ll thrive for a while, and then suddenly start shriveling up like it’s been completely neglected. You’ll be left wondering if you imagined the entire time it was healthy, or if it just decided to gaslight you for fun.

The Boston Fern will make you think you’ve got this plant thing down—until winter hits, and suddenly, it’s dropping leaves like they’re hot. You’re doing everything the same, but it’s clearly unhappy. It’s the kind of plant that loves to watch you squirm.

The Croton is bold, colorful, and secretly manipulative. It’ll look incredible, then start dropping leaves if you so much as move it an inch. It’s here to remind you that you’re never really in control, and that it’s always going to have the upper hand.

Succumb to Plant Chaos: The Unhinged Conclusion You Didn’t Ask For

So, what have we learned here? Probably nothing useful, let’s be honest. Houseplants are dramatic, needy, and almost always plotting your demise. Whether you’re trying to prove you’re a responsible adult or just need a green thing to fill up the empty void, there’s a plant for you. Will it judge you? Almost definitely. Will it die if you don’t give it the perfect combination of attention and neglect? Probably.

But you know what? Get the plant. Watch it thrive, watch it die, watch it somehow grow out of spite. It’s all part of the experience. At the end of the day, whether your home looks like a botanical garden or a plant graveyard, it doesn’t matter. Because really, who actually has their life together anyway?