How to Avoid Flirting at Family Reunions: A Survival Guide for the Genetically Connected Okay. Deep breath. Someone has to say this out loud, and apparently that someone is this guide because your mother is too polite and your therapist is still recovering from last year’s incident. You cannot — cannot — hit on people…
Alright. So you’re blind and you want to street race. That’s not brave. That’s not inspiring. That’s what happens when natural selection takes a smoke break. But hey, who’s anyone to judge? Society said you couldn’t drive at all, and look at you now – about to make every insurance adjuster in a three-state radius…
Alright, let’s do this. Your butthole’s been acting like a teenage goth kid lately and everyone’s pretending not to notice. The moody silences. The dramatic outbursts at inappropriate times. That whole “nobody understands me” vibe it’s been putting out there. Time to face facts: Your butthole might need Prozac. The Signs Were There All Along…
So you’re lying there in that paper gown that somehow manages to cover nothing while simultaneously making you sweat like you’re in a sauna, and suddenly it hits you: those aren’t just quirky oversized shoes in the corner. Those are clown shoes. And that’s not a fun accent wall. That’s actual circus tent striping. Oh…
The Etiquette of Pooping in a Public Pool: A Gentleman’s Guide to Aquatic Disasters Disclaimer: This is satire. Anyone who actually follows this advice deserves whatever happens next. Look. Nobody wants to have this conversation. But here we are, pretending there’s actually etiquette for committing what is essentially a war crime against summer fun. You’re…
Disclaimer: This is satire. Do not intentionally acquire parasites. They’re called parasites for a reason, and it’s not because they’re helpful. So you’ve tried everything. Keto left you dreaming about bread. Intermittent fasting just made you intermittently homicidal. That juice cleanse? Let’s just say your coworkers started leaving the room when you entered. But what…