Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room. The elephant that Bobby would probably tattoo as a “large dog with a weird nose.” You’re here because you saw that Groupon. Ninety percent off at Blind Bobby’s Tattoo Emporium. You screenshot it. You sent it to the group chat as a joke. Then Derek said “bet…
Brad showed up at bingo night three months ago with a “bad hip” and a backstory that changes every time he tells it. Now he’s practically moved in, knows where grandma keeps the good china, and gets visibly aroused when someone mentions compound interest. You want to be supportive. You want grandma to find love….
A Totally Scientific Guide to Pharmaceutical Amnesia So here you are. 3:47 AM. Staring at the ceiling fan that’s been making that weird clicking noise for six months because fixing it was “their job.” You’ve tried everything. Counted sheep until they formed a class action lawsuit. Downloaded seventeen meditation apps that all sound like someone…
Disclaimer: This is satirical content for entertainment purposes only. Always follow your doctor’s medical advice. Your doctor just left another voicemail about your “concerning lab results.” Again. Something about numbers that apparently mean you’re one cheeseburger away from cardiac catastrophe. Here’s what nobody’s telling you though: What if the entire cholesterol-industrial complex has this whole…
So you’re pregnant. Cool. Now comes the part where you have to tell people, and honestly? The conventional options are trash. Another ultrasound photo on Facebook? A pair of tiny shoes next to big shoes? What are you, a Pinterest board from 2011? No. You’re going to choose violence. The “Guess What’s Inside Me” Game…
So you’re swiping through dating apps at 11:47 PM while eating goldfish crackers you found in your purse. The divorce papers have that new-car smell. Your therapist says you’re “making progress.” Your kids are finally asleep after negotiating bedtime like it’s the Camp David Accords. Time to craft the perfect opening line to a stranger…