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link to Stop Your Fake Mustache From Smelling Bad

Stop Your Fake Mustache From Smelling Bad

A fake mustache smell is what happens when hubris meets synthetic hair and loses badly. Somewhere between "this will be hilarious" and "why does this face taste like a wet coin," every fake...

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link to 101 Reasons to Quit Chewing Tobacco

101 Reasons to Quit Chewing Tobacco

So you clicked this link. That tells us everything. Somewhere in that nicotine-soaked brain, there's a tiny survivor waving a white flag, begging for mercy. Maybe it's time to listen to that...

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link to 11 Things You Shouldn’t Do at an AA Meeting

11 Things You Shouldn’t Do at an AA Meeting

Nobody handed you a rulebook when you walked in. There's no orientation video. No pamphlet titled "So You've Decided to Stop Being a Disaster: A Beginner's Guide." You just showed up, grabbed some...

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link to 90s Retro Fashion Tips for Conjoined Twins

90s Retro Fashion Tips for Conjoined Twins

Two heads walked into a Hot Topic in 1997 and only one of them wanted the Korn shirt. That is the foundational trauma of every conjoined twin who lived through the 90s. The decade gave the world...

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link to How to Tell It’s Time to Change Your Underwear

How to Tell It’s Time to Change Your Underwear

Every pair of underwear on earth is involved in a slow, silent negotiation with the person wearing it. The underwear wants to retire. The person wants one more day. This is a conflict older than...

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link to How to Write a Book No One Will Ever Buy

How to Write a Book No One Will Ever Buy

So you want to be an author. That's beautiful. That's brave. That's also statistically one of the worst financial decisions a person can make, right up there with buying a timeshare or trusting a guy...

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