Last Updated on November 30, 2024 by Michael
Ever wondered how many calories you’d be chomping down if you decided to feast on a mako shark? No? Well, too bad, because we’re about to dive into this like a drunk guy jumping into a pool at a fancy hotel. Let’s tear apart this predatory fish from fin to tail and calculate those juicy, delicious calories. Spoiler alert: It’s going to get messy.
The Shark That Fights Back
Mako sharks aren’t your run-of-the-mill seafood. These bad boys are the Ferraris of the ocean – sleek, fast, and deadly. Imagine trying to catch one with your bare hands. Yeah, good luck with that.
When you finally haul in your trophy mako shark, you’re looking at a beast that can weigh up to 1,000 pounds. So, unless you’re an orca or a pissed-off Poseidon, you’ll probably need a chainsaw and a crew of equally insane friends to break it down.
Calories in Every Bite: Spoiler Alert, It’s a Lot
The average mako shark steak, around 6 ounces, packs about 250 calories. But who the hell eats just one steak? You’ve got a whole damn shark to work with! Let’s break it down further:
A whole mako shark, assuming you somehow manage to catch, kill, and butcher it without losing an arm, provides around 20-30% of its weight in edible meat. For a 1,000-pound shark, that’s about 200-300 pounds of sharky goodness.
If each pound of shark meat gives you about 400 calories (because it’s lean, mean, and not-so-clean), you’re looking at a total of 80,000 to 120,000 calories. Enough to fuel a small village or one competitive eater with a death wish.
Shark Sushi: Raw and Unfiltered
Raw fish is all the rage. Ever tried mako shark sushi? Neither have I, but let’s pretend it’s a thing. Mako shark sashimi might make you feel like a hardcore samurai warrior, but it’s also going to jack up your calorie count.
For every 100 grams of raw mako, you’re getting about 130 calories. Not bad, right? Now imagine eating a whole platter – that’s about 10 slices, each 20 grams. Multiply that, and you’re scarfing down 260 calories faster than you can say “Wasabi!”
Shark Fin Soup: Now You’re Just Being Fancy
Shark fin soup might be controversial, but we’re not here to judge. We’re here to count calories like we’re on some twisted version of “The Price is Right.”
One bowl of shark fin soup typically has around 150 calories. But you’re not eating just one bowl, are you? Nah, you’re here for the long haul. Three bowls in, and you’re looking at 450 calories. Add a side of steamed buns, and you’re carbo-loading like an athlete at a buffet.
The Grilled Mako Experience
Grilling mako shark steaks on a barbecue sounds like a great way to spend a weekend – if you don’t mind your neighbors thinking you’ve lost your damn mind. A grilled mako steak, about 8 ounces, has around 320 calories. You’re not stopping at one, though.
Let’s say you go full carnivore and chow down on four steaks. That’s 1,280 calories of charred perfection, enough to make your cardiologist cry.
Shark Jerky: Snack Like a Pirate
Ever wondered what it’s like to snack like a pirate? Shark jerky is the answer. Each ounce of mako shark jerky contains about 80 calories.
Picture this: You’re binge-watching a series about serial killers, and you munch through a whole bag – 10 ounces. That’s 800 calories of salty, chewy, somewhat questionable delight.
Shark Liver: For the Brave (and Slightly Insane)
Shark liver isn’t for the faint of heart. But you’re reading this, so I assume you’re up for the challenge. Shark liver pate can be a gourmet delicacy, or a dare gone horribly wrong.
Each tablespoon packs about 50 calories. A whole can of this stuff? Around 800 calories. That’s right, you just consumed an entire meal’s worth of calories in liver spread. Time to reconsider your life choices.
Conclusion: The Caloric Carnage
In total, if you went all out and consumed an entire mako shark in all its various forms, you’d be looking at a caloric intake that could rival a small army’s rations. From steaks and sashimi to soup and jerky, you’d be downing anywhere from 100,000 to 150,000 calories. Enough to keep you going through a zombie apocalypse or a really long Netflix binge.
So, there you have it – the absurd, calorie-laden journey of devouring a mako shark. It’s a ridiculous, gluttonous, and utterly insane endeavor, but hey, someone had to figure it out. Bon appétit, you crazy shark-eating maniac.
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