Alright, let’s talk about your dirty little secret. No, not that one. The other one. The fact that you – yes you, sitting there looking all innocent – personally destroy about 100 rolls of toilet paper every year. That’s roughly one entire tree’s worth of nature’s finest, sacrificed annually to your nethers. Sit with that…
She’s explaining why the way you loaded the dishwasher is an act of domestic terrorism and you’re wondering if Van Gogh had the right idea about ears. 1. Cotton Balls Soaked in Pure Denial Standard cotton balls are for amateurs who still have hope. You need cotton balls that have been marinating in a brine…
So you think you’re a sports genius? You watch every game, know every stat, and your buddy Steve says you should totally start betting because you “called that upset last week.” Stop. Right. There. Steve’s an idiot. Steve also thinks crypto is “totally coming back” and that his band is “about to blow up.” Steve’s…
Your car went in purring like a kitten. It came back speaking Latin backwards while leaking something purple. Congrats. That Shop Name Though “Honest Bob’s Definitely Not Stolen Parts Emporium.” Just… sit with that for a second. Let it marinate. The man put “Definitely Not Stolen” in his business name. That’s like meeting someone who…
Why Women Shouldn’t Sell Their Eggs to Invest in Bitcoin: A Comprehensive Guide to Not Making the Worst Financial Decision of Your Life So you’re thinking about selling your eggs to buy Bitcoin? … You still there? Good. Because somebody needs to hear this. The Math Doesn’t Math (Trust Me, I Checked) Here’s a fun…
Oh good. This is happening. Your goldfish — yes, the one that gets startled by its own reflection — has decided they’re destined for social media stardom. You can see it in their dead, glassy eyes. The way they’ve started posing near the fake coral whenever you walk by with your phone. Don’t even try…
