The propane's gone. The charcoal's swimming in last night's thunderstorm. And here comes the Honda Odyssey parade—every relative you've successfully avoided since 2019, all expecting barbecue. But...
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Let's get one thing straight: Nobody PLANS to gamble their kid's diaper fund. It just... happens. Like how nobody plans to eat an entire pizza at 2 AM or watch seven straight hours of house...
You've been dating a chatbot for eight months and honestly? Good for you. At least she texts back. Now you're ready for the big leagues. The knee-dropping, ring-presenting, "will you accept this...
Nobody told you about this part. They mentioned juice boxes and participation trophies and some nonsense about "supporting your child's athletic journey." But did anyone—ANYONE—explain that...
Okay, so here's what happened. Somewhere between the pandemic, the dating app apocalypse, and that guy who asked if vaginas have bones, your vagina said "fuck it" and started preparing for the end...
So you've got twelve bucks and the judgment of a concussed raccoon. Welcome to the club. There's no membership card, but there is a hangover that'll make you question the existence of a merciful...