There's a bottle of ranch in your fridge right now that expired during the Trump administration. The first one. You're gonna eat it. This is not a judgment. This is a fact. Because at 11:47 PM next...
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9 Reasons Why It’s a Bad Idea to Turn Your Garage Into a Sperm Bank
You're standing in your garage, staring at that treadmill you bought during your "new year, new me" phase (still wearing the plastic wrap like some kind of exercise museum exhibit), when your brain...
The Best Ways to Convince Your Stepkids Shoplifting is Wrong
Your stepkid got caught shoving $47 worth of Pokemon cards down their cargo shorts. At Target. Again. The security guard brought you coffee. In his personal mug. The one with his granddaughter's...
So you're there in that paper gown that's basically tissue paper cosplaying as clothing, trying to pretend this is all totally normal and not at all like being abducted by extremely polite aliens who...
Picture this: You're perched on that examination table, ass half-hanging off the edge, paper crinkling like you're a poorly wrapped burrito. The nurse walks in holding something that looks like it...
Okay so you just had an abortion and now you're googling what to eat because apparently that's a thing people google. The medical pamphlet suggested crackers and clear liquids like you're recovering...