You built a time machine. In your garage. Using YouTube tutorials and a microwave from 1987. And now you're what—gonna leave Mr. Whiskers behind? The same cat who throws an existential crisis...
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Look. Nobody talks about this. The bourbon community pretends asthmatics don't exist. The asthma community pretends bourbon doesn't exist. And somewhere in the forgotten middle sits a very specific...
Nobody asked for this. Literally zero people on this entire spinning rock woke up today and thought "finally, someone needs to expose the mime industrial complex." That thought occurred to no one....
Okay. Sit down. This is an intervention and you're not going to like it. Six months ago you walked into that church basement thinking "this'll be cute, little Wednesday night activity, win some...
Okay so. This is happening. You're reading this because somewhere, deep in your gut (next to all that questionable Taco Bell), you already know the truth. You just need someone else to say it out...
Your hair gel's dead. That pomade you bought from the guy with the handlebar mustache? Empty. The "sculpting putty" that cost more than your weekly groceries? Gone. There's lard in your fridge...