Disclaimer: This is satire. Don't fake falls. You'll just hurt yourself and end up on someone's TikTok looking like a startled flamingo. Remember Uncle Jerry? Used to drive a Corolla held together...
Posts by Michael
That salmon mousse from cocktail hour just filed a restraining order against your stomach. The room's doing the Macarena. Without music. And Cousin Beth wants to tell you about her essential oils...
Alright, apparently this needs to be said out loud: Getting scurvy on purpose is not a diet plan. It's barely even a cry for help. It's more like a cry for someone to revoke your decision-making...
Look, we need to address the elephant in the room. Not the overdraft fees or the fact that your savings account earns less interest than finding quarters in your couch cushions. The pens. Those...
What the Actual Fuck Is Wrong With People We Need to Talk Alright so humanity peaked with the moon landing and it's been downhill ever since. Case in point: microdosing laxatives is a...
Because Dying Slowly Wasn't Quite Slow Enough Okay. So you're old. Not "senior discount at Denny's" old. We're talking "remembers when doctors recommended cigarettes for stress" old. "Your...