Posts by Michael

So you and your partner got caught doing crimes together. How romantic! Nothing says "till death do us part" quite like "till the feds do us part" but here you are, still together, just with matching...

Disclaimer: This is satire. If you actually do this, you deserve whatever kitchen appliance gets embedded in your skull. You googled this. You sat down at your computer, presumably sober, and typed...

Walking to get food? What is this, the Renaissance? Humanity spent millions of years evolving opposable thumbs just so we could perfect their ultimate purpose: frantically tapping "order again" at...

That piece of paper taped to your door? The one written in legal gibberish that basically translates to "pack your crap, you're done here"? Yeah, that's not exactly a hallmark moment. Look, nobody...

Alright, you magnificent lunatic. So you woke up one day and decided that limbs are for quitters? That the entire Department of Motor Vehicles can go pound sand with their "requirements"? That...

Your grandma's house looks like a museum and a junkyard had a baby, and that baby was raised by QVC. Every drawer contains at least seventeen rubber bands, three broken pens, and coupons that...