Posts by Michael

So here's the thing. You've been lied to. Every morning for your entire life, you've squeezed that tube of minty nonsense onto your brush like some kind of fluoride-worshipping sheep, and for what?...

So your snake is having a midlife crisis. You get it. Maybe Mr. Slithers caught his reflection in the terrarium glass and realized he's been bald his entire life. Maybe Princess Noodle saw that...

Buckle up, buttercup. Time for some truth. The Economics of Getting Lit on a Budget You know what's wild? Watching someone drop $18 on a six-pack of beer that tastes like a pine tree had sex with...

Your mother-in-law just told you—for the 47th time this year—that her potato salad could "really save your marriage." Like your relationship is hanging by a thread made of mayonnaise and...

That little light they shine in your mouth? Pretty sure it's powered by human suffering. 1. Their Office Looks Like Stephen King's Pinterest Board You know those soothing waterfall sounds most...

So you want to destroy Thanksgiving. Not metaphorically. Not with politics. You want flames. Tears. The kind of catastrophe that spawns origin stories for future therapists. And grandma's taking...