Everyone deserves a quality pity party. But here’s where most people go wrong – they see it coming from a mile away. “Oh, it’s Sunday night and tomorrow’s Monday. Time to feel sorry for myself.” Amateur hour. The truly magnificent pity party catches you completely off guard. You’re just standing there, innocently making coffee or…
Thinking about getting permanently stabbed with ink? Fantastic. Let’s make sure Future You doesn’t want to skin themselves like a potato. Here’s the thing: tattoos are forever. Like, actually forever. Not “forever” like your high school relationship or that gym membership you swore you’d use. This is real commitment, baby. Step 1: Realize Your Current…
So you’re in your thirties with roommates. Your LinkedIn says “Senior Manager” but your living situation says “sophomore year, but with joint pain and a 401k.” Congratulations. You’ve won late-stage capitalism. Money: The Only Reason Anyone Does This Let’s not pretend there’s some deeper meaning here. You have roommates because rent prices are set by…
We’ve all been there: it’s Saturday night, and you’re too drunk to call anyone who exists. What’s left? Hosting a tea party for the people who are always there for you – your invisible friends. That’s right, they don’t bail on you for “family obligations” or “court hearings.” No, they’re reliable as hell and always…
here are times in life when things just don’t go as planned, and you need a foolproof excuse to get away with anything. Well, look no further! The period, that monthly visitor we all love to hate, can be your ultimate scapegoat. It’s time to turn that crimson tide into a sea of alibis. 1….
The Bowtie’s Dark Origins Bowties are the spawn of Satan. In the 17th century, they were first used by French aristocrats who needed something more flamboyant than their massive wigs. Why stop at excessive hairpieces when you can add a neck accessory that screams, “Look at me, I’m a pompous douchebag!” If you saw a…
