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link to Acceptable Situations for Soiling Yourself on Public Transit

Acceptable Situations for Soiling Yourself on Public Transit

Acceptable Situations for Soiling Yourself on Public Transit: A Comprehensive Guide Alright. We're doing this. Nobody asked for this guide but here we are, staring into the abyss of humanity's...

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link to 8 Signs You’re About to Fail a Breathalyzer Test

8 Signs You’re About to Fail a Breathalyzer Test

Blue lights. That specific shade of oh-shit-blue that makes your sphincter achieve dimensions previously only theorized by quantum physicists. And there you are, sitting in your Honda Civic that...

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link to Why You Should Confess Your Deepest Secrets to a Walmart Greeter

Why You Should Confess Your Deepest Secrets to a Walmart Greeter

Therapy costs $200 an hour and they make you talk about your mother. Know what's free? Absolutely destroying Gerald's will to live while he checks receipts at the door. The Beautiful Truth About...

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link to 12 Tips for Getting a Tattoo from a Blind Guy

12 Tips for Getting a Tattoo from a Blind Guy

Alright, let's address the elephant in the room. The elephant that Bobby would probably tattoo as a "large dog with a weird nose." You're here because you saw that Groupon. Ninety percent off at...

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link to Beginner’s Guide to Crying in Public Without Shame

Beginner’s Guide to Crying in Public Without Shame

You're standing in the frozen foods section at Trader Joe's and it's happening. That little throat tingle. The eye burn. Your lower lip doing that stupid wobbly thing. Maybe it's because they moved...

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link to Morning Routines of Highly Functional Alcoholics

Morning Routines of Highly Functional Alcoholics

A Totally Scientific Guide to Winning at Life (Terms and Conditions Apply) 4:47 AM: Nobody's Buying This Shit You set your alarm for 4:47 AM because some dickhead on LinkedIn said prime...

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